I Didn’t Clean The Kitchen Last Night
Are you sufficiently horrified? This is the sight I woke to this morning.
The Husband (I like calling him that) had been on-call for 60 hours and he stumbled home last night, absolutely exhausted. He fell into the chair, and I could tell, he just couldn’t move, let alone talk. I felt like dropping myself; however, seeing him in such a state gave me a little extra energy to put his needs above mine. (I know that sounds sickeningly like the perfect wife, and I’m far from that, but I felt so much compassion for him and he’s usually helpful around dinner). I placed food in-front of the children and then gave a plate to my husband, still in the chair, with a glass of milk. A glass of milk? I don’t know why I gave him a glass of milk; I rarely do that, but it felt like the nurturing thing to do — go figure.
The children took their plates to the kitchen sink. I don’t remember telling them a story. Did I? I certainly had no energy left to clean the kitchen. So there it was, sitting patiently for me this morning. Today, I feel fresher, and I can tackle the mess. I don’t like leaving the kitchen a mess but in a way, I feel good about it. I feel good about it because I was able to prioritise what was important for our family in the moment, and — stuff the rest. It was important, for the moment that has now past, to invest in my husband — I know it.
Sometimes, when my husband comes home I say this:
“I didn’t do very well in the house today, but I loved the children.”
He smiles. And then I smile.
Other Be A Fun Mum Links
Vintage Mother Value
Much, if not all, of work performed by mothers, in relation to caring for children and home-duties, is unpaid work. In a world where money = status, bearing and caring for children is at the bottom of the pile. I believe in the value of Motherhood as a chosen occupation or otherwise; however today’s society doesn’t.
Fifty odd years ago, although not idealistic for women, was a time when mothering was valued; it was important. I’m under no illusions of the difficulties women faced in the 1950′s. Just read the list in the 1954 Home Economics High School Text Book titled, How to Be a Good Wife. Today, this list may seem unachievable and downright degrading; however, when read in context with the expectation of the time, it doesn’t seem so shocking; kidna nice actually. In saying that, I wouldn’t like to go back to that time period. Instead, I’m highlighting the high value society (1950) placed on homemaking and the power a woman has to create atmosphere for her family; so much so, it was taught in school. Wouldn’t it be nice to have the same value for mothers without the expectation; to have a variety of choice without the pressure? Wouldn’t it be nice to have the best of both worlds?
It’s 2010, not the 1950′s. Roles of women and men are intermixed. Our world is fast paced and ridiculously full of stuff. Material things are made to break, not last. We replace everything and throw out everything else. We feel embarrassed when we say, “I’m a Mum.” For a better response we say, “I’m a Mum but I used to be a nurse,” or “I’m a Mum but I’m working part time,” or “I’m a working Mum.” Just being one thing isn’t enough; women are pressured to ‘have it all’ in order to be valued by society. The societal contrast between the 1950 and today is dramatic.
(I obtained data from the Australia Bureau of Statistics and various journal articles.)
When comparing the two time periods, it’s obvious the 1950 model of living was far kinder to society in general. But really, I don’t think going back is realistic; I prefer to strive for an in-between. I like to call it Vintage Mother Value. This is my goal.
This is not a post about working mother verses stay-at-home mothers or anywhere in-between. This is a post about valuing motherhood; valuing the essence of a woman: the heart of a family. If we could recapture 1950 value without losing modern choice, it would be a very wonderful thing.
Workhouse or Housework
No one wants to live in a workhouse, where people are tense because of the list of rules. A home is a place to be comfortable and relaxed. In saying that, to achieve a comfortable atmosphere, housework needs to be done. It’s about finding the balance between making your ’house work’ without it becoming a ‘work house’.
I was chatting to the lovely Amanda from Bodelicious about encouraging children to do housework. If you haven’t already read The B Team post, start there, as it’s a good foundation. Once you’ve established the fact that housecleaning is every one’s responsibility, it needs be practical.
These are the main principals I can see in relation to encouraging housework:
* Create a team spirit in your family.
* Establish the fact that housecleaning is every one’s responsibility.
* Show your child/ren how to do the job; don’t just expect them to know.
* Increased responsibility = Increased privileges (appropriate to age).
* Be firm and consistent.
I was interested in Amanda’s system of having a ’do to’ list in each room. I’ve adapted these lists and you can print them out below if you think the system would work in your house. The advantage of this system is it gives everyone a clear idea of things to do and is easy to find. Who does what will depend on the age of your child/ren. There are five sheets: Living Area, Kitchen, Bedroom, Bathroom and Toilet. The sheets could be laminated and reused with a wipe-off pen. Click on the image to print out all five sheets.
You may need to use trial and error to see what sort of system works for your family.
More Free templates.
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Here are some helpful blog posts on this subject.
SquiggleMum’s Helping Hands - See how Cath manages to do housework with two young children in the house.
Julie’s Under 30 Minutes - See how Julie manages to do only 30 minutes of housework a day.
Michelle’s Putting Kids to Work- Read how Michelle gradually introduced housework to her children in 5 stages.
Click here to see Michelle’s schedule for her son aged nine.
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If you are looking for routine reward charts I like these companies:
Little Billies - Wide range of charts. Especially good for young children.
Magnetic Moves - Wide range of charts. Especially good for school aged children.
Sunny Mummy Magnets - Family organisation made easy.
