I know my image above looks nothing like coins, but hey, I tried.  I often use the double-sided-coin analogy to communicate personality traits to my children. You see, I love my children for their uniqueness, and seek to allow them to grow into all God wants them to be. I want them to understand the strengths and weaknesses of their personality and how they can shine.  Every personality trait has a positive side (heads) and a negative side (tails).

For example, if you are an organised genius (great quality, ie. heads), you may also be a bit of a control freak (not so great quality, ie. tails).  Or, if you are laid-back, easy-going person (great quality) you may be disorganised and messy (not so great quality).  Personally, I’m passionate and driven (great quality) but this means I can also be forgetful of what’s going on around me, or thoughtless as my Mum used to say (not so great quality).

I was raised in this manner; that is, I was forced to acknowledge my faults along with celebrating my assets.   In this process there was no attack to my person in any way; I always felt loved and incredibly special.  It’s a beauitful thing when someone sees all the good in you and knows all the bad, and loves you regardless.

My children are incredibly special and I love them for who they are and all the positive I can see in them.  It really makes me cry to think of it. I seek to help my children discover the strengths in their personality, and also the down side, so they can strive, with God’s strength, to allow the positive to outshine the negative.

Be A Fun Mum Related Links

You Are Sooooo Beautiful Book Review

Parenting Shading

External Links

Negative Side of Positive Psychology by Barbara S Held

Parent With Potential

Bright-sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America by Barbara Ehrenreich

Mindfulness

Free personality test

I love pretty things. I like happy things. Pretty and happy things like this necklace from Diva ($19.95). It’s like wearing a little happiness around my neck.  When I go in the sun, the light catches on the sequence and sprays like bursts of joy.

I like matching things.  I like dots and and the colour red. I like tea and closing my eyes while holding the cup close to my lips.  I like things that match; even Son matched today!

I’m not a material orientated person; I give anything and everything away.  If someone likes one of my possessions, you will hear me say, “You have it!  I’d love for you to have it!” But that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy beautiful things; quite the contrary: I love them. I take time to enjoy the little happiness afforded each day, so it’s easy to let material things go — because there is joy everywhere; you just have to look for it. For me, giving is one of the best joys of all.

Love the Moment

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17.

I’ve known Shazz all my life; she’s my big sister.  Shazz is one of those people everyone wants to be around.  She radiates a magnetism that’s infectious.  She is one of the most beautiful people I know.

Shazz was always a hard working young woman with an endless amount of grit.  Her room was always perfect; her hair was always perfect; her clothes never had a wrinkle.  Although there have been times when I wish I could have been just like her, I could never feel jealous of Shazz; she’s the sunshine on a rainy day.

Shazz’s peaches and cream skin was glowing, her glossy hair swept up allowing her cornflower blue eyes to highlight her strong alluring face.  It was her miracle wedding.  Just 8 weeks prior, Shazz’s fiancé Josh, came very close to death due to a brain tumour and build-up of fluid on the brain.  It was Christmas Eve and after a long period of ill health, the pressure in Josh’s head was so great, he was rushed to hospital and a benign tumour was removed.  This was the start of a beautiful marriage; yet one filled with more challenges then most people have in ten lifetimes.

Josh and Shazz’s marriage was blessed with three children.  During these years, Josh endured another two critical brain surgeries. Shazz was told by the Doctors that Josh may never be the same; may never be able to work; may not be able to talk or remember; and that he may never wake up.  Against the odds, Josh has had a miraculous recovery.  He’s highly successful Property Development Manager and wonderful husband and father.

While many marriages may have buckled under the immense pressure experienced by Josh and Shazz, their love for each other and God was stronger with every mountain conquered; there were many more mountains to climb.  The first was when Josh and Shazz’s, then 16 month old daughter, Madeline, was admitted to hospital, critically ill.   After fighting a terrible virus for two weeks, Madeline was left with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis which meant she was unable to walk or move well.  Madeline suffered the ailment for years but amazingly, and rarely, has outgrown the disease and is now in remission.  Josh and Shazz’s other children, Isaac and Hamish, both also have health issues: they suffer from severe asthma.  All this time, Shazz was holding her family in a way that no one else could. Then, it was time for her to climb a mountain of her own.

The day our Mother died (at only 51), was a day we, as her daughters died too.  In the aftermath of grieving Shazz found out that she too, was suffering from cancer.  While not the aggressive type of cancer our mother had, the blow was almost too great to bear.  Two subsequent operations and a dose of radiation meant Shazz had a chance to live.

While her family seemed to stabile, Shazz’s health deteriorated.  After countless tests, it was confirmed Shazz had Lupus: a chronic, incurable and potentially fatal disease.  It gets even messier; a large mass was found in Shazz’s uterus.   She was put on some medication to help with the symptoms which unfortunately led to her developing a Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT) that permanently damaged the veins in her leg; it will always be larger than the other.  The damage was so extensive that Sharron had to be bed bound for 8 months to reduce the swelling in her leg and yet somehow, she managed to continue to look after her children and bring a smile to the face of anyone who came into contact with her.  I’m sad to say that more suffering was to come.

The mass found in Shazz’s uterus was removed after her leg was somewhat stable; however, the operation was much more risky given her health complications.  Fortunately, the mass was benign. Hooray for good news; and now for more bad news: the doctors found a melanoma on Shazz’s leg (the leg with the DVT).  After two operations it appeared the removal was successful; however, that’s when Shazz’s new battle began: the battle for her leg wound to heal.

Because of the damage to Shazz’s leg, the lack of blood flow and complications of Lupus, the melanoma site wound would not heal.  Shazz’s has suffered infection after infection; adjusting dressing after dressing; and using antibiotic after antibiotics. This has currently gone on for a year now.  The doctors recently performed skin graft surgery in an effort to aid healing.

Currently, Shazz is back in hospital after the breakdown of the skin graft and haemorrhaging.  The Doctors are at a loss to know what to do.  They are currently trialling medicine given to cancer patients which have horrendous side effects. She will be in hospital for at least six weeks.

It’s important to note that nothing is easy in relation to Shazz.  Each operation and treatment has to be run past countless specialists, all trying to juggle the conflicting ailments.  I’ve only touched the surface of what Shazz has suffered. 

In all this, through all the suffering and pain, Shazz is a constant delight to those around her.  She is not only my sister, my best friend and my hero; she is my sunshine on a rainy day.

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What is your best FunMum tip?

Find the joy in everything you do.

What is your favourite fashion accessory?

I love my Pandora bracelet because it has so much memory wrapped up in it.

How do you cope Mothering when you are sick all of the time?

I put the children first.   I know this sounds cliché but I stay positive.

How do you stay positive?

I laugh – a lot.  If I didn’t laugh, I would be in the corner with a straight jacket. I laugh and I survive. My family helps me too.

What is your most embarrassing Mother Moment?

I had can’t remember being embarrassed with my first two children, and then I had Hamish. I can’t even count the times he’s embarrassed me! He’s one of a kind; I love him to bits but he drives me nuts!  Here are two examples (he was 2 1/5 years at the time):

1. After a meeting with a Real Estate agent, Hamish offered his hand to the man and said, “Hi, I’m Hamish and my Mum has a bosom.”
2.  His grandfather was looking after him one morning and Hamish got a little cross when he was told not to do something.  He looked his grandfather in the eye and said, “I’m going to SMASH you.”

Has your Faith been shaken through all your hardship?

Not once.  That doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes ask why. I do.

The answer is similar to this common question: If God is a loving God, why is there so much suffering in the world?  I can’t even go into all the ins and outs of this question but to put it simply, this world is imperfect, it’s full of sin and sin destroys.  This was not God’s choice, it was ours. I’m not immune from the effects of sin in this World but God helps me through the hardship and brings something beautiful out of it; something good.  I’m not sure what yet but I believe.  It’s hard but I have peace. I don’t know what the future holds but Praise God, I know who holds my future.

You can follow Shazz’s progress on facebook at: Pray for Shazz.

Materials required

Paddle pop sticks

New Life Egg Template (click here, New Life Egg Template, for printable template)

Sticky tape

Drawing materials

Feathers (optional)

Instructions

1. Print out the New Life Egg Template. 

2. Allow child to colour (or glue feathers) over egg and chick. 

3. Cut out top cracked egg.

4. Sticky tape two paddle pop sticks together to make a long stick.

5. Cut along dotted line. Tip: to avoid ripping, place sticky tape over line on the front and back before cutting.

6. Sticky tape the long paddle pop stick at the back of the top cracked egg. Tip: I’ve placed a dot on the template as a guide.

7. Insert the long paddle pop stick into the cut section.

8. Done!

New Life

Around Easter time, Jesus’ death and resurrection is remembered.  I love the symbol of the egg.  It represents the new life we can have through Christ.

He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Matthew 28:6

Click here for a simple lesson you can do with your own children to enrich this craft and put it into context.

Discipline is a tricky subject.  I’ve given much thought to this matter and am going to try and get it down on paper, well, on virtual paper. 

There is much debate on different forms of discipline. For me, it’s not so much about the form of discipline used but rather on the attitude behind the instruction.  I believe there is a distinct difference between discipline and punishment. Punishment is the result of breaking rules; discipline is long term training and instruction.  Anyone can impose punishment resulting in little personal cost.  If laws or rules are broken punishment is imposed on children in schools and adults in society alike.  Discipline, on the other hand, is ongoing training that comes with great cost to the disciplinarian.  Discipline is all about love.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of punishing your child and not disciplining them; I’ve done it myself.  There’s a place for punishment but not in the home environment.  Rather, I like to call the act of discipline, consequence for actions.  Punishment tends to be an oppressive thing; the act of conforming a person to fit a certain mould.   On the other hand, discipline is when you stretch out your hand to guide, but not steer, another along Life’s journey. Discipline is all about encouraging self-control.

Punishment is useless unless lessons are learned.  To give a child the skill of self-control is priceless.  This skill is learned through discipline as children understand choices and grow from the mistakes they make.  A discipleship can only truly be effective if there is trust.  Discipline is all about trust.

My children trust me; this frightens me.  I’m responsible for raising my children to the best of my ability (with God’s help) but I make so many mistakes; so, so many mistakes.  When I struggle to communicate to my children the reasons for a decision, I often ask this question: Do you trust me?  The answer is always, yes. Sometimes a child cannot understand a decision. An established relationship breeds trust and trust promotes obedience.  Discipline is all about teaching obedience.

I recently read an article on the Connect2Mums website titled: Obedience – Should our children obey their parents? by Carol Disseldorp.  While I don’t agree with this principal, I found the article thought provoking.  In summary, Carol asserts that children have the choice to refuse to do certain things their parents ask of them.  The reasons why I don’t agree with this are many, but I will list a few.  Firstly, if discipline is effective, then a parent will not ask something of a child that is not necessary and in turn, the child will trust the parent’s choice (but not always like it).  I have to interject here and say that I have made many mistakes about what I have asked of my children, and I have learned from those mistakes.  It makes my role of parenting  challenging because the buck stops with me.  On the other hand, it’s my children’s job to respect and obey what I ask.  Secondly, I need my children to obey me for safety reasons.  I need to know if I say STOP, my child will stop.  Further, because I have four children, I expect obedience so the family functions.  For example, when we get out of the car at the shops, our rule is the children lean against the side of our car as I get the baby out.  It would be difficult for me, and unsafe for my children, if they choose to disregard our family rules. Lastly, I teach obedience because the Bible does, read here.  The Bible is full of life changing principals for living.  To avoid being legalistic, which can lead to a suppression, two-way communication is imperative.  Obedience is all about listening.

A child needs to feel like they have a voice; that someone is really listening and understands them.  I often remind myself to hear my children’s voice.  I encourage my children to express their feelings and I try always to take that into account when I’m making a decision.  My original choices are often (but not always) changed after listening to my children.  It’s a tricky balance, especially as children mature.  The idea is when children are very young, the discipline falls entirely on the parent’s shoulders.  Over time, this gradually changes until the child is an adult and must use self-discipline.  Disclipline is a journey.

What I’m not a fan of 

NOTE:  I have to clarify this section.  I don’t want to come across as someone who knows all the answers.  Far out!  I’ve made millions of mistakes.  I guess I want to share what I have learnt, am learning and my opinion on discipline.

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Counting: “Come here!”  “Mummy is going to count.  One, two, two, two…… three.”  Children are amazingly aware of how far they can push the two. 

What I do: I say, ”Come” once and then again as a reminder.  If my child still does not come I go and get them. Then there is a consequence for the disobedience.  For my young child, it means being strapped into the stroller instead of the freedom of walking.

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White lies:  It’s SOOOO easy to tell white lies to your child.  The most common I’ve heard comes about when parents need to leave somewhere and the child does not.  It tends to go like this: “BYE! Mummy is going now.  You’ll be left behind.”  Now, personally, I don’t know any parent who would actually leave their child.  I actually think it’s unkind to instill this fear in a child.  They should know that you would NEVER leave them.  I know a lot of parents do this without thinking; however, I think it can do a lot of damage if it’s used as a constant threat.

What I do: If my child refuses to leave, I go and get them.  For my younger children it means a consequence for their action.  For my older children I remind them to be glad that we were able to go out and how I love hearing them say, “Thanks Mum,” instead of whinging.  In fact, it’s a strategy our family use.  When we leave somewhere they say, “Thanks for taking us out Mum and Dad.”  They need to be reminded sometimes

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Escalating instruction:  Now this is a huge challenge to me.  I catch myself often nagging until it escalates to yelling. “Do this….. Do this…. I SAID DO THIS!!!!!”  Again, like the counting strategy, children can decipher your tone of voice and at what decibel you REALLY mean what you say.

What I do:  I catch myself when I am using escalating instruction.  It often means I don’t really have a clear idea of what should be done and when.  So, I think about it and try and use clear instruction and follow through if it’s ignored.

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Giving in to tantrums:  “Alright Johnny, you can have the lolly then.”

What I do:  There have been many occasions when I’ve wanted the floor to swallow me.  My children have a real knack of embarrassing me in the most inconvenient moments, and I admit to giving in, rarely though.  However, I do try and be strong, even when I’m embarrassed.  If I’m in a public place, I get out at the earliest opportunity.

What I’m a fan of

Consistency: Consistency, consistency, oh, and did I mention consistency?  Consistency is one of the keys to effective discipline. So hard but so true.

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Reconciliation:  After discipline is administered, there has to be reconciliation so there’s no underlying resentment.    A hug and a kiss goes a long way. 

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Reverse physiology:  It may be weird to have this in the positives but we make a joke of things in our family (mostly because my husband has a warped sense of humour and I love it).  If something goes wrong my husband says, “Okay, the right thing to do is fall on the ground, kick your legs and go AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”  The children laugh roll their eyes and say, “No DAD!”

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Positive words:  It’s easy to voice negatives and forget to voice positives.  I try and verbally encourage my children at every opportunity.

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Saying sorry: I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve had to apologise to my children (too many to count).  Children need to know parents make mistakes too.

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Love:  “Don’t discipline when you’re angry,” my Mum always told me.  It’s a good idea to calm down a little so you can think clearly because discipline is all about love.

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Visually, my view on discipline would look a little like the image below.

If you only take only thing from this essay thingy, remember that discipline is all about Love and God is Love

This post was mentioned by SuperParents.  Read the post here.

How can parents encourage their children to have grateful hearts when we have so much?   I was moved to tears watching this video clip from Village 2 Village about Sam, Esther and their sister Jane.

I decided to share this video with my children (8 years and 6 years), especially as it has an encouraging ending.  I was prepared for questions and tears so I allowed some time to share with them after the younger children were in bed.  Miss 8 cried and said “Can we send food to them?”  I explained it would be difficult to send food, however, there are things we can do.

• Support a child: We support a child through Compassion,
• Other Support Agencies: World Vision, Samartians and Share An Opportunity
• My father is working for Beautiful Gate Lesotho, managing a project building an orphanage for children who have been affected by AIDS.  We also support and pray for him and his wife Donna.

I challenged my children to think twice, next time they were feeling ungrateful.  I hope they will remember Sam, Esther and Jane and acknowledge how fortunate they are.  Some children may feel guilty about having so much, so I think it is important to highlight the difference of being grateful and guilty. James 1:7 says “Every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father who created all the lights in the heavens.”  As parents we love looking after our children and giving them gifts.  Read Matthew 7:-12 for further reference.

Immediately, Miss 8 and Miss 6 ran to their room to sort out some toys to give away.  Miss 8 also asked if she could give the contents of her money box away.

I was inspired by my children.  I have to constantly remind myself to have a grateful heart.