“I feel scared about facing this week,” I said to my husband yesterday. That sounds rather pathetic, especially when I write it down like that. But it’s true! I have this fear, anxiety you might call it. Matt is away, which isn’t unusual, but I am feeling so weary at the end of this school term. The kids are weary too, so right now, it’s like the wheels are coming out from underneath me and ahead I picture myself with gravel rash on my face. The kids are bickering more than usual and my patience is thin. Very thin.
The very thought of going to three parent/teacher interviews by myself, juggling the kids during the interviews (or trying to organise a babysitter), cross country day, an oral assignment due, making sure everyone has the right uniform on and food to eat makes me want to sob. I guess part of the fear is that I won’t be able to get through it the way I want to: with graceful patience. Looking ahead at this week, I see myself snapping at the kids at every turn, trying to maintain the peace and dragging myself through. You know what? I may even reschedule those parent/teacher interviews.
This morning, as I was getting lunches ready, Miss 10 hands me this note explaining, “Mum, you’re like a tree. And I am like a bird. You are beautiful like a tree and give me a home — shelter — and food.”
Then off she went. She may never know how much it helped me today. She may never realise how that one burst of sunshine will carry me through this week. What a beautiful picture to hold! One day, I hope she will read this and know special she is and how much I treasured her words. In a way, the picture she gave helped me refocus and I can see past the moment of overwhelm.
Overwhelm: it tends to shift my focus to a very narrow-minded state and I anticipate what I see through those unedifying glasses. I’m on my skate board, let’s say, and the wheels are wobbling and I’m trying so hard not to hit the curb on the side of the road…trying so hard not to hit the curb; DON’T HIT THE CURB KELLY!! (And yet, it’s all I see, and I hit it). And yet, when I take the glasses off, and see the big picture, there’s only a little curve there really, and I can look around the bend. I remember my driving instructor (a very long time ago) telling me the same about steering a car around a corner: look around the bend, not at the bend! Ha! It’s interesting the things you remember sometimes!
If there are any other mamas out there feeling weary, remember we are trees, and we are beautiful and strong, even if our branches are drooping a little. And as mothers, we have the privilege to create that haven for the precious little ones in our care. Water will come.