I don’t cry for my body anymore

August 14, 2013

I could feel the sweat trickling in tracks down my body.  It had been a hard training session.  As I walked in the door — home — I pulled off my wet t-shirt, enjoying the cool relief as the air hit my damp skin.  I walked around that way, for a good 10 minutes before taking a shower: shorts, socks and a crop.  As I casually chatted to the children about the upcoming plans for the day, I noticed my son (5) staring at my belly button.

“What?  What are you looking at?” I was curious.

“That there. It looks like a cut. What is it?” he said.

I glanced down at my belly button to see he meant the strange and lonely stretch mark that snaked its way through my navel.

pregnant with fourth child“Ahhhh, that.  When I carried you inside my stomach, it needed to stretch so much,” I put my arms out in a circle in front of me, “That the skin tore a little.  That strange one right there, all by itself, only happened when you were in my tummy. And you know what? It reminds me of you, so it’s really kind of special.”

I was surprised how his face lit up.

“So you can remember that I was inside your tummy once,” he reiterated with a delighted chuckle; big smile. Then he ran off to play outside.

And so I think of them, I do — the now silvery lines sitting under my navel, and the one lonely one above it, that marks the birth of my only son — I think of them as beautiful, as special.

But it wasn’t always like this.  I distinctly remember the moment, during my first pregnancy, when I noticed the first stretch mark marring my smooth skin.  I cried that day.  But I don’t cry anymore for my body.  I train it, I feed it, I rest it, I entrust it to the one person who cares for my heart and too: sees my imperfect body as beautiful; and I love it for giving me my four children.

Sometimes things need to be broken so they can become more beautiful than before. That is what motherhood did for me. It stretched, pulled, and even tore at my person.  Yes, such violence. Such love. Such highs. Such lows. Such fear. Such joy.

Grateful for SUCH complex beauty.

All of it.

motherhood

Remembering my first year with son.  He’s one in this picture. 

Now he’s a little boy — five going on six — full of energy and questions.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Print Friendly

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

SarahdipityNo Gravatar August 15, 2013 at 6:06 am

How gorgeous! I can just imagine how special that has made your sone feel

Reply

Deb @ Bright and PreciousNo Gravatar August 15, 2013 at 10:52 am

So beautifully said, Kelly. I especially love “Sometimes things need to be broken so they can become more beautiful than before.” xx

Reply

AlanaNo Gravatar August 15, 2013 at 12:15 pm

That is really beautiful..such a great reminder of the beauty in motherhood

Reply

HeleenNo Gravatar August 15, 2013 at 5:58 pm

Love it! Thanks for sharing.

Reply

KingaIsabellaNo Gravatar August 15, 2013 at 9:16 pm

Thank you! You are so right!

Reply

KatNo Gravatar August 17, 2013 at 9:21 am

Thanks for sharing this beautiful post Kelle.
When I had my first baby, (of four kids) 11 years ago I tore so badly I had to have bowel surgery and a temporary colostomy bag.
For a long time I wore those scars with sadness and even anger at how my stomach will always not sit right due to being cut up the middle of my stomach.
My husband reminded me that scar is a badge of honour and to wear it with pride.
So I do.
I may never wear a bikini again (hm, did I ever?) but those scars and my caesar scars are now worn with pride.

Reply

TinaNo Gravatar August 22, 2013 at 10:32 am

“Sometimes things need to be broken so they can become more beautiful than before. That is what motherhood did for me. It stretched, pulled, and even tore at my person. Yes, such violence. Such love. Such highs. Such lows. Such fear. Such joy.”

That is such a beautiful way to put it..brought tears to my eyes :) Have my first baby boy and have stretch marks all over my body not just my tummy and even now he is 8 months old am sitting with mild pelvic disability which prevents me from running/exercise and am still 10 kgs over my pre-pregnancy weight,,a source of constant tears..but I am slowly learning to love and respect my body again..

Reply

DebNo Gravatar December 20, 2013 at 11:53 am

LOL. My whole body is one big stretch mark! I’m not overweight, but I got my first stretch marks as a teenager when I went from stick-figure child to curvaceous young woman.
For some reason, stretch marks don’t bother me in the slightest. I’ve never been compelled to buy Palmer’s cocoa butter (for stretch marks) or anything else.
Stretch marks? Who cares! I’m alive, I’ve got skin, and it stretches sometimes. :D

Reply

Clare GreigNo Gravatar December 21, 2013 at 12:59 pm

Just beautiful. Reminders of how amazing our bodies are. Perception is what it is all about.

Reply

KathNo Gravatar March 17, 2014 at 3:41 pm

I really need this today Kelly! Really beautiful thoughts and so perfectly written! Thank you so much! x

Reply

Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar March 18, 2014 at 4:01 pm

Love to you Kath x

Reply

Annette HigginsNo Gravatar May 26, 2014 at 8:10 pm

I look at my cesarean scar and think its amazing they could pull a baby out of there. I needed to. Have a cesarean due to pre-clampsia and I’m fortunate to have my baby girl. Thanks for sharing Kelly!

Reply

ReneeNo Gravatar May 27, 2014 at 6:20 am

I have stretch marks on my belly, thighs & breasts, plus a nice cesarean scar. I was pretty paranoid about them, until my husband just commented ‘I think their beautiful’, so now I see them with different eyes, I grew people, that’s pretty friggin amazing.

Reply

Leave a Comment

{ 1 trackback }

Previous post:

Next post: