Before I had kids, I thought I was a patient person. I did. And I thought I was organised too. I enjoyed planning and was able to keep the house clean and tidy; I was rarely late. I enjoyed going out and dressing up. I didn’t feel angry, hardly at all! I was poised and in control.
Here I am, pre kids, with my then fiance (now husband) at a dress-up party. All fresh faced.
And then I had kids, four of them, and I turned into a monster! I found out I was horribly (horribly!) impatient, my organisational skills cracked when the 3rd child came along and I am rarely (if ever) on top of things in the house. Plus I lose my cool, a lot. Crazy frustration, anger even.
My kids bring out the worst in me. Every weakness is exposed, pushed, stretched. There it is, right there.
And yet, I can truly say, without hesitation, my children are the best thing that has happened to me. Although they bring out the worst in me, with abundant measures more, they bring out the BEST in me. Absolute best.
I am more gracious.
Compassionate.
I’m increasingly tolerant of others and have learned not to judge.
I know the meaning of real love. Incredible, unconditional, steadfast love.
I am braver.
More open.
I am wiser.
Kinder.
I am real.
And stronger.
I create more, smile more, see more.
I can improvise. In fact, I’m incredible at it.
I AM more patient. Yes, I can say that now.
Amazingly, despite the chaos, I am calmer, and more relaxed.
My kids have been the making of me.
Maturity happens through many areas in life, but I know I wouldn’t have the depth I have now if it wasn’t for my children. When I look back at my former self, I had poise and control — things that made me look good from the outside. Yet children have an incredible way of exposing truth and were (still are!) instrumental in breaking down walls in my life. Walls of facade. Today, after 11 years of parenting, I feel like a mess in so many areas. That’s what you might see from the outside, it’s true. But I’m a beautiful mess.
My kids bring out the worst in me and I’m a better person because of it. Always, always grateful to these little people in my life.
beafunmum
beafunmum
beafunmum
{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Kel, thanks for sharing so honestly. Motherhood is incredibly rewarding but yes, kids can bring out the worst in us! I blogged a similar post a couple of weeks ago, about my own struggles in this area, which you can read at http://footprintsaustralia.com/blog/2012/06/08/i-was-an-abusive-mother/.
Janet, such a beautiful story to share. Thank you x
That is a beautiful post Kelly, I love it xx
Funny, can so relate! xx
Amazing post Kelly. I feel the same way. Children have stretched me in both ways but I love them too the moon and back (a family saying). Stretching is good, even the best thing ever. I am happy to be a beautiful mess too. xx
I am ashamed to say that having kids has brought out so much anger in me. And I absolutely hate that. But, since becoming a mum, I have had to learn so much patience – which is a good thing! There is definitely an added dimension to life and mine have grown me in ways that I never thought possible.
Well said, Kelly!!
What a great post. You could have been talking about me. Kids do bring out the worst and best in us and sometimes at the same time!!!
I’ve only been a mum for five years, but with three boys it feels like a lifetime! I really don’t know what I would do without my kids, except sleep a whole lot more. I have changed in so many ways, and so many ways for the better. Thanks for putting in words what so many mums feel.
Aw Kell, that’s so true and so beautifully observed. Kids have a knack of making us live wholeheartedly, doing they! No shortcuts allowed, it’s in with both feet, leaping off the cliff.
And I love a pontaneous grateful post! Come link it up with us later today!! x
Yes please! Did I miss it? Coming over now.
i love this, I get so tired of the perfect pics of beautifully dressed kids in white (spotless houses) and mothers going on about how much they enjoyed baking, crafting ect. I like to do stuff with my kids but they (and I) always look like a mess after woods, and they usually drive me batty n the process. I constantly clean and yet my house never is truly clean. I have 5 kids and I wouldn’t be without them but I think projecting life with kids should include those moments where we all know we fantasize about running off to a deserted island, if only to get the opportunity to go to the loo by ourselves.
Your honesty is beautiful and the so too is the way you love yourself – the core of yourself – your spirit. More Mothers need to talk about themselves in this way, just beautiful.
I absolutely love this … and so so true. All the joy and frustration and hard times has carved out a depth in me that would never have been there, if I wasn’t the mum of my guys.
xxx
It is so good to know I am not alone with this feeling. I could have written your first paragraph word for word from my own life! The truth of who the real me is, as revealed by motherhood, is absolutely shocking as I find myself daily grappling with anger and frustration… and I have only two kids! I am dismayed at how I can get so enraged around these little people who I love so much. I have learned that I am so selfish at the core, and my anger radiates from it. I am trying hard to work on this with God’s help and guidance.
The second half of your post has given me some positive perspectives – encouraged me to look at the positive elements of what my journey of motherhood has seen develop in me. Sometimes its easy to dwell on the negatives, isn’t it.
Thanks again!
And oh the love!!
I also could so relate finding the first paragraph as if it was written about me. But yes, I also have learnt so much and grown so much in my 9 years of mothering. Can also relate to Lyndall above!
But wouldn’t change it in the world.
It’s rare to find someone willing to share the hardships of being Mum as well as the joys. I am often to the point of furious frustration and yes life has certainly changed but I’d never change a thing (other than perhaps a fairy godmother from time to time to clean up the house lol).
It’s madness how often I beat myself up for not being the “Perfect” mum and wife…I learn each day.
ciao lisa x
I thought I knew myself and had arrived at who I was. Then the kids came along and I could not have imagined how much more I had to grow and change. After initially feeling lost as a mother, grieving for what was the “old me”, I then realised there was a whole new dimension to my life as a parent that was enhancing the old me. It wasn’t that I lost the old me, I was being moulded into “the new me”, a richer, deeper and fuller life, despite the ugly revelations under my surface too, such as anger, impatience, selfishness, etc. Thankfully, you can pick up the dirty, tarnished pieces of our nature, and polish them fresh and shiny. What a rewarding journey and I wouldn’t, at the depth of my heart, have it any other way —- no matter what I might mutter under my breath in a sleep-deprived haze when the baby has woken me for the umpteenth time overnight over the past 16 months!
Thank you so much. I can relate to this a lot. I don’t feel very patient, kind, etc. of late, and yes there is a lot of chaos around me, but I hold on to the hope that this journey is going to teach me SO much and be worth every bit.
Thanks again
OMGosh! I cannot thank you enough for publishing this post! I so often feel like I am failing miserably at being a Mum because my kids bring out the worst in me, and then you have those priceless golden moments that no amount of cloud could cover the glow of. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for the first time ever I feel like someone gets me, and that I am not failing too badly! Kim
I would like to echo all of the above feelings. Before kids I was so tidy, clean and organised – almost to the point of being obsessive compulsive. But having kids has taught me to let go (rather reluctantly) of the need to have a clean and tidy house (an impossible feat with 4 year old twins and an 8 month old). I too feel that I have little patience at the moment and snap at my kids rather too easily. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one, but I still view it as a rather large failing in me. I keep reminding myself that they are little human beings and how I speak to them is how they will learn to speak to and relate to others. I am trying my hardest to lead by example. I can’t imagine my life without my gorgeous kids and, in all honesty, have no idea what I did with all of my time pre-kids. Anyway, am off to play lego and princesses now…the washing can wait!
As someone who feels like she is in the trenches at the moment doing combat with my kids, this is a timely post. Looking at all the great things that they bring out in me is a good thing. Today is an ok day, or at least this hour is (though my smallest person is asleep, so that helps!) and I hope that as my days go on, that the flow changes, there are more good hours than bad, God willing.
Those sure are some priceless jewels around your neck there
I totally agree, I often look back and wonder what happened to me and where the ‘old me’ went but then I look on the faces of my two beautiful angels and know that the ‘old me’ has nothing on the ‘Mummy Me”!!
Hi Kelly,
I’ve only just discovered your blog via FB and love it.
Today’s post rang loud and clear for me. I thought I would be a great parent, however I do find it challenging and incredibly draining – juggling the lives of 4 family members instead of just myself is hard. I tend to shout more than I used to and become frustrated very easily and of course that doesn’t mean I don’t love them any less, it’s just a learning curve. I hate being thrown into the deep end or being taken out of my comfort zone and sometimes when you have kids that happens.
Great Blog, I look forward to reading more.
V
So glad you found your way here Vicki. Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment.
Awesome post! Love the raw honesty, sometimes I think I was better off before kids and then I remember how much more I love life and are a happier person now they are in my life.
Great post. Something we think about all the time – what we used to be like. Thanks for reminding me to look at how time and kids have changed me for the better
Came to you via Today’s Moms http://www.today.com/moms/motherhood-brings-out-worst-us-best-1C9329506
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