I See a Bend in the Road

The rhythm of my feet echoed through my body as I walked. I felt a slight pull on my peach-coloured cardigan.  The pull wasn’t a here-I-am but a I-am-with-you pressure.   I didn’t speak.  No words were necessary. Beside me, like a shadow, was the boy who calls me Princess. My youngest child. My only son.  We walked like this for some time. A rare, quiet moment in time.

In my mind, I imprint the feel of the small presence beside me. I treasure the trust in the way he clutched my shirt.  I commit this memory to mind because there’s change in the air. There’s an urgency for me to take every moment. To grasp every opportunity. To invest in the moment.

Not so long ago, the days dragged on.  “The kids grow up so fast!” I heard over and over again. I wondered about that cliche.  In those days — the long days where nights and days are one — I was at risk of wishing the years away! Days were slow. S–L–O–W. A blur sometimes. Yes, the days do drag on in the early stages of parenting, but the years fly. The years fly by so fast and now on the path I’m walking, I can see a bend in the distance, and it’s closing on me fast.  This excites me, and terrifies me.

Have you ever concentrated on the sound of your feet as you walk?  The boom boom of  my feet ripple through my body in steady beats and time freezes around me.  Time freezes but I’m still moving. I see myself walking towards that bend in the road, and turning the corner to a new path. I can’t see what the path looks like, but I can see myself there.  You see, the little boy who calls me Princess will be at Kindergarten next year, and school the next.   I feel like I’m about to lose something precious, and I can’t stop it from happening.

The kids grow up so fast. There, I’m saying it now too! I can’t stop my children from growing up, and nor do I want to.  When I get to that bend in my road, very soon, I’ll embrace the new season. But I will also grieve the one that — I was going to say that I have lost lost — but it will not be lost; the moments and memories are still there. I’ll grieve the one that has past.

Until then, I’ll treasure the moments that time allows. I’ll treasure them by recognising them as important, as precious, as amazing.

{my son and I — a frozen moment}

a frozen moment

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Comments

  1. says

    Absolutely beautiful! I feel the same as my youngest starts Prep next year and although I am home-schooling them, I still feel that they “grow up too fast.” I am grieving for the season I am about to leave and embracing the new season around the bend. xo

  2. says

    So beautiful. My 3rd starts prep next year, so I’ll have one left at home. And while I’m not quite at the same stage yet, I’ve felt that sense of urgency and almost trepidation as to what’s next. It’s so, so important to treasure each moment.

  3. Nicky says

    Such a beautiful post Kelly. I find myself feeling a deep ache in my heart as I face the new year as Master 5 starts school and Master 3 enter Kinder. xx

    • says

      Thank you Nicky. Your bend sounds just like mine! I’m going to let myself feed sad when he goes to Kinder…but I will embrace the new season too. It’s nice to have women around me that can identify with what I’m experiencing, so thank you.

  4. says

    Beautifully written. I’m really feeling this with my eldest at the moment. I sat and watched all her baby movies the other night, found myself almost not believing that she is now seven, growing so long and learning so much….I’m loving where she is at and who she is but it has been a process, letting go. Appreciating the here and now and all the treasures that are offered to us in this moment…I can always do with another reminder :)

    • says

      Hi Kirri

      Beautifully said. I feel so proud of my kids and how they are growing up; it’s such a beautiful thing to watch. However, you are right: there IS that process of letting go. Thanks for your beautiful comment :)

  5. says

    I’m nowhere near the bend yet. What resonated with me was the blur of the early years stage which I’ve really been feeling the past few days with a bub who won’t nap and a toddler who’s pushing every boundary. Only yesterday I was feeling like dropping it all and taking a break – first time I’ve ever felt that so strongly. Maybe it’s like this for almost all mums at this stage. My head knows it’ll get better in time and it will pass quickly but my heart feels like this stage will last forever!

    • says

      I hear you Veronica. It can be slow and draining when the kids are little. If I could go back and give myself a bit of advice, I would say, just focus on being together, building that relathionship, and investing in the ground rules for the family. Very soon, you will be saying, “They grow up so fast!” too!

  6. says

    Those bends just keep on coming, each one brings something wonderful yet as you say leaves a sense of loss. Our little boy has high functioning Autism and his sweet ways have stayed while his peers in grade one have moved onto little boy antics.
    He calls me his “best friend” and I think will always have that sweet innocent nature.
    Our little girl takes the bends at full speed shouting whhhooooo hoooo! Glorious!
    a beautiful post,
    loved it
    ciao lisa

  7. says

    I’m so glad I checked out your blog today. I usually do here and there, but something drew me to it today and I really needed that little reminder of the bend in the road. Cutie Pie is in pre-K right now and Kindergarten next year, Sweet Pea is home full time with me this year, but maybe not next. Sometimes I wish my days away and regret it when the day is done. Thank you for the gentle tug…

  8. says

    This post brought tears to my eyes as I too have an only boy and the youngest, only he is 2yrs old. I have felt what you felt twice over already with my girls but I am sure again I will feel it with Mr 2yr old as he is growing up like you said “too fast”. These are the days and I am enjoying every moment….thank you for the precious reminder. Beautiful post, so descriptive and very gorgeous how he calls you Princess and holds your cardigan!

  9. Annette says

    I have heard from a friend the days are long and the years are fast. I find that to be true and great you put it in your post. Thanks for sharing of your struggles. We are human and some days are challenging for us all.

  10. Kat says

    Thank you for summing up so perfectly how I am feeling right now with my baby (#4) heading off to Kinder next year.
    Please tell me how have you filled in this time with all of your children at school? How has it been for you? I would love to hear more.

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