Don’t Try and Be the Mum You’re Not

September 20, 2011

She’s so organised and seems to be able to keep her house beautifully neat.

She’s so hospitable and is always comfortable for people to visit her home.

She always looks amazing. I don’t know how she does it.

She’s so creative and thinks of cool things to do.

She’s so active and takes her kids everywhere.

She’s always so patient, gentle and kind. I’ve never heard her raise her voice.

She’s funny and makes everyone around her laugh.

She bakes and cooks everything from scratch.

If I look for generalisations, I’ll surely find them. When I do find them, I see the many things I’m not as a mum (but would like to be). It’s easy to fall into the trap of worrying I’m not giving my children all they need because I can’t be all the things I see in others.

Some of the many many things I am definitely not

I’m not a very good cook.

I don’t sew, and am not very crafty.

I’m not patient when helping with homework.

I’m not a great housewife.

Some of the things I am

I love doing adventurous and new things with my kids.

I think outside the box and find ways to creatively solve problems.

I’m energetic and love exploring with my kids.

I’m happy to sit down on the grass with white jeans so I can get close to the flowers. That’s the sort of mum I am.

Be the mum you are

There are a lot of things that I’m not — and that’s okay. There are a lot of things that I am — and I celebrate it. I embrace the Mum I am, and this has given me freedom to just be with my kids, without worrying they are missing out because I don’t often bake with them. It also helps me to step outside of my comfort zone, and investigate different approaches as I parent because I don’t waste energy on trying to be something I’m not. I want to walk beside my kids as we journey through life together, rather than constantly veering off the path trying to catch the birds that are best left in the sky. There will be other people who cross my children’s life path that will also share with them in their own special way. I don’t need to be everything for my kids, I need to love them, be there for them, encourage them and be myself with them. I believe it’s a beautiful thing to share yourself, and live life along side your child.

Being a Fun Mum to me is about accepting weakness, embracing essence, and enjoying moments as they happen.

Don’t waste energy on trying to be the Mum you’re not.

Be happy with you who are.

Celebrate diversity in others.

Share what you have.

Smile.

Be the beautiful mum you are.

That’s all.

be the mum you are

Other Confessions

How to be a fun mum

When your good isn’t good enough

Playing with my Kids (a confession)

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{ 56 comments… read them below or add one }

LucyNo Gravatar September 20, 2011 at 6:18 am

After an “incident” yesterday, you have no idea how much I need to read this. You have hit the nail right on the head. xxx

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar September 27, 2011 at 7:20 am

You are such an encouraging person Lucy. Can’t wait to see you come end oct xxxx

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ChristieNo Gravatar September 20, 2011 at 7:41 am

Wise words Kelly. Every now and then I catch myself doing the whole comparing thing, nothing good ever comes from it, I only end up feeling bad about myself. I’m in training to stop this, so thank you for the reminder xx

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar September 27, 2011 at 7:20 am

In training, yes, well put…

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AmycakesNo Gravatar September 20, 2011 at 7:52 am

I absolutely adore this post! So beautifully said and great advice! I may be able to sew and bake, but the list of things I can’t and don’t do with my kids is long and regularly has me guilt-ridden!!! As much as I’d like to be the crafting with the kids mum, it’s a rare occurance. As much as I’d like to be the spontaneous mum, I quite like having things planned ahead a lot of the time. As much as I’d like to be the relaxed mum, I just am not! As much as I’d like to be the well dressed mum, um, that’s never going to happen!!! As much as I’d like to be the mum who has a tidy house, I never, ever will be, cos frankly, I hate tidying!!! It is really hard trying to tick off everything on the “best mum” list and I am going to embrace your advice and embrace the mum I am – Loving, fun, caring, cooking, cuddling, messy, bossy!
Thanks,
Amy

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar September 27, 2011 at 7:22 am

You are simply gorgeous Amy, and you’re so many of the things I’m not! Enjoy it and the kids will do xxxx

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CherieNo Gravatar September 20, 2011 at 7:54 am

A very true word and one to embrace. Thank you for being so blatant and honest.

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar September 27, 2011 at 7:22 am

Thanks sister

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Laney @ Crash Test MummyNo Gravatar September 20, 2011 at 7:55 am

This is a timely post as it is exactly what the Crash Test Community have been discussing lately. I will definitely be sharing this with them this morning. I am only beginning to become less guilty and conflicted about staying home with my kids, and it has been 3.5 years. Thanks Kelly.

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar September 27, 2011 at 7:23 am

Thanks so much Laney.

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Deb Wild HopeNo Gravatar September 20, 2011 at 8:30 am

Perfectly said! I was thinking of a post yesterday (in my head) about comparing ourselves as mothers to other mothers… and you’ve taken the words right out of my head – and expressed them so perfectly! Wonderful!

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar September 27, 2011 at 7:24 am

It’s an easy trap to fall into isn’t it. But it’s never edifying I believe x

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kellyNo Gravatar September 20, 2011 at 8:48 am

Hey Kel,
You are an awesome mum – heaps of fun to both your family and your friends. You have a lot of patience, energy and a passion for being a great mum!
This post is a great reminder to me that i need to cherish the time with my kids – do what i can with them while they are little – and ignore the comparisons that tend to creep into my mind so easily.
have a fab day xx kel

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar September 27, 2011 at 7:25 am

Thank you lovely friend xx

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NathalieNo Gravatar September 20, 2011 at 8:57 am

So true and so spot on. We are all different and how we mother is different. As long as there is love, the rest pales into insignificance.

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar September 27, 2011 at 7:26 am

Ah yes love *singing* all we need is love. :)

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DebNo Gravatar September 20, 2011 at 9:47 am

You are so right! It’s so easy in our lives in general to focus on the negative. Much better to concentrate on doing the things we can do really, really well.

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar September 27, 2011 at 7:26 am

Yes, this what I have found, and to embrace it.

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MaritaNo Gravatar September 20, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Great post and so well said.

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar September 27, 2011 at 7:27 am

Thanks for reading Marita.

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Kirsty @ My Home TruthsNo Gravatar September 20, 2011 at 4:50 pm

I love this post – so very true! I will try to concentrate on the things I am rather than the things I’m not….what a positive view of motherhood!

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar September 27, 2011 at 7:28 am

Beats feeling guilty hey xx

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Janice - Learning 4 kidsNo Gravatar September 21, 2011 at 3:31 pm

I love this post! It is like a big hug for all Mums!

……..gorgeous photo too! xx

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar September 27, 2011 at 7:13 am

That’s a gorgeous way to put it!

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KrisNo Gravatar September 22, 2011 at 9:35 pm

Such a great advice! Been wrestling with these thoughts for a while now too.

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar September 27, 2011 at 7:12 am

Thanks Kris x

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AlissaNo Gravatar September 26, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Such a timely reminder for me. I am who i am, so i should just get on with it! Thank you!!

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar September 27, 2011 at 7:39 am

Ha! You’re gorgeous Alissa. Yep, just get on with being fabulous you x

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KathNo Gravatar November 4, 2011 at 9:33 pm

Such true words so well said. It can be very hard to keep things in perspective. sadly negativity is often the easy road and we then forget to see the good that we do
We even lose sight of the daily little wonders of life with our own gorgeous people while we are busy ‘trying’ to be ‘perfect’.
But how wonderful is it to hear “I love you mummy, you’re the best mummy in the world” AND that is what is important, they do love us and we love them ….always and forever

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Rebecca MugridgeNo Gravatar February 26, 2012 at 8:48 pm

LOVE!!

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Jessica LehmanNo Gravatar March 4, 2012 at 11:31 am

Perfectly said! I needed to read this. Thank you!

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KellyNo Gravatar May 27, 2012 at 12:50 pm

So True Kelly!

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ZoeNo Gravatar May 27, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Thanks Kelly!! So true we are all guilty of comparing. I can cook, sew and love to do the snuggly things inside and often feel guilty about not taking my son on long walks in the outdoors, but he does get to do that with other ppl who love him.

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Annaleis TophamNo Gravatar May 27, 2012 at 1:22 pm

I needed to read this today…with little patience and a few expectations I feel a bit like I am drowning! Thankyou

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jennifer ebbageNo Gravatar May 27, 2012 at 1:41 pm

thanks again Kelly, you hit the nail on the head, yet again! perfect timing, sounds like it for lots of mums, just scrolling thru the posts above!!! :)

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NeenNo Gravatar May 27, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Aint that the truth! You are also a wonderful writer which must mean you are a great story teller!

I’m not a great cook but will give it a go and hopefully will show my daughter that giving it a go is good enough and its all about the fun process!
I am creative with art but I cannot sew (well yet! will give it a crack one day!)
I love to sing dance and my favourite thing I like to do with my daughter is LAUGH. Sometimes we just stare at each other and laugh and laugh for no reason other than to laugh! Its sweet.
I’m organised at work, messy at home.

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Katie VoigtNo Gravatar May 27, 2012 at 7:05 pm

This is beautifully written Kelly and so true. Thanks for the reminder – I forget this truth sometimes! Very encouraging post.

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Me and My BabyNo Gravatar July 1, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Hello Kelly,

Thank-you for such an inspiring blog. I feel instantly comforted by your words and from looking at the above comments I can see that I am not the only one. Congratulations and thank you for bringing a group of women together and for providing a safe and honest place for us to share our thoughts. I can only hope that my blog will do the same one day.

Me and My Baby.
x

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RachelNo Gravatar August 1, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Hi Kelly,
A friend at MOPS suggested I have a look at your blog and I’m glad I did. It’s fantastic! I love all your craft ideas and holiday fun and this post in particular is very inspiring. I guess we sometimes feel that we have to try and do everything with our kids for fear of them missing out. I used to worry that I wasn’t doing enough painting and messy-type activities with my eldest child but she did plenty of paintings at family day care and kindy and she still loves to draw and paint so it all worked out in the end. I posted a little excerpt from your blog on mine with your blog address hoping that more mums will read your wonderful posts.

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Sally Oakley (@SallyRavels)No Gravatar August 18, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Thank you, Kelly, for this brilliant reminder. I needed it today.

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Dana ButlerNo Gravatar August 26, 2012 at 7:28 am

This is awesome. Love it. Embracing who I am, growing where I feel the desire to grow, and being totally okay with who I’m not. :) Perfect. Joy.:)

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EmilyNo Gravatar September 1, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Thankyou :) I am a terrible housewife, and I try to bake and sew and garden and keep a nice house, and I always find I can only do one of these things at any given time. Sometimes none! It’s nice to be reminded that it’s ok :)

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SamaraNo Gravatar September 13, 2012 at 7:48 am

My goodness, THANK YOU for this post, I continuously am thinking to myself “I am a bad mum” in my terms and conditions that is… lol!! I put so much pressure on myself about what I am NOT doing rather than enjoying what I AM doing!! So, thank you! I can now let go of my negativity thought of my parenting and enjoy more of my kids and life with them! This was a eye opener / light bulb moment for me!! :) Samara

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TaraNo Gravatar September 23, 2012 at 10:18 am

It’s just over a year since this post and I needed to read it today. Ta. Every comment at the beginning of the post has been part of my inner dialogue but reading it like that reminded me, each thought was attributed to an individual Mum – not just 1. In the course of a year I might be able to achieve all of these things but not at the same time! :)

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar September 23, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Mwah x

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Donna LongNo Gravatar November 15, 2012 at 1:27 pm

This is so beautiful even for someone who is not a Mum I tried for years to be something I am not its exhausting !!!!
I am so thankful for your message to Mums
Love Donna

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EmmaNo Gravatar December 1, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Thank you so much for this. I have only just given up feeling guilty for not doing baking with my kids!

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LouiseRNo Gravatar December 11, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Thanks Kelly. Just came across your blog this evening and have tears in my eyes from reading this little gem about not trying to be something you’re not. It is SO true and a really good wake up call as I have found great difficulty enjoying my two older boys (10 and 5) since new baby boy arrived 9 months ago and I want to be a fun mum but I realise I’ve forgotten how to have fun myself with all the pressures of life! This is such good timing esp with xmas school holidays around the corner.

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Nora SNo Gravatar January 29, 2013 at 5:59 am

I just stumbled upon your blog, and this is one of the first things I read. I have been struggling a bit lately, and I think I brought myself to desperation by trying to be so many different people. Thank you for your post. I would love to post it on my bathroom mirror, to be reminded of it every day.

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http://interior-design-tips.webspawner.com/No Gravatar February 15, 2013 at 9:43 am

It seems like u understand a good deal with regards to this specific subject and this shows thru
this excellent posting, named “Don?t Try and Be the Mum
You?re Not”. Thank you ,Denny

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KatieNo Gravatar March 6, 2013 at 2:19 pm

I’ve only just found this old post Kelly and honestly, it couldn’t have come at a better time! Actually made me tear up slightly! Since I’ve been launching this business I’ve felt like I’ve felt like I’ve become quite a non-fun-mum. Thanks for the reminder that we don’t have to be everything at the same time all the time! Very timely for me….. xx

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EmilyNo Gravatar April 11, 2013 at 10:04 am

Love this post. I’m one of those mums, that looks at the mums that are so well put together, neat and not a hair out of place and just wonder if I missed a memo. My girls are always dressed beautifully but me, I look like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards… sigh…

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ReneeNo Gravatar July 16, 2013 at 9:12 pm

I am in tears right now. I was a fun mum but I believed I had to give that up to become a efficient, tidy mum that was strong in her boundaries with her kids. My 9year old tells me how she hates me and how I am embarrassing. Some how I have failed my children by trying to live up to the expectations I had created.

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LolaNo Gravatar November 14, 2013 at 4:52 pm

wow! you’re a genuine and very honest mom, you really hit the point that many moms suffer from, your blog is amazing and all your posts are sincere and touching, you support lots of moms without knowing it, thanks Kelly!

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CorinaNo Gravatar January 10, 2014 at 12:00 pm

What a wonderful message and so true. A good reminder for all of us who are sometimes too hard on ourselves. That’s for sharing and reminding us to be happy with who we are.

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KylieNo Gravatar June 9, 2014 at 8:20 pm

Thank you for these wonderful words. I am constantly worried about not being good enough and comparing myself to others. I needed this :)

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