Mum labels. Here’s a definition list:
WAHM: Working At Home Mum
FTWM: Full Time Working Mum
PTWM: Part Time Working Mum
SAHM: Stay At Home Mum
TTSSM: Trying To Stay Sane Mum (okay, I made that up)
If I try and fit myself into the label categories it would look something like this: I’ve was briefly a PTWM, mostly a SAHM, recently a WAHM and always a TTSSM. Since becoming a mother, I’ve drifted from one category to another but to my kids, I’m always just “Mum”. They don’t care what label is attached to me! I’m not against the categories as such, but when they cause an obvious clicky rift or horrid generalised judgement, I can’t see them being a positive thing.
Let’s look at two sides here. This is what I’ve heard:
FTWM: I heard a FTWM say this in regards to SAHMs on a radio program: “We are busy at 10am, not sitting in a beauty parlour getting our nails done!”
SAHM: I’ve heard a SAHM say that FTWMs only want expensive cars and big houses.
How can one generalise so much about so many people if the particulars aren’t known? Sometimes to me, it seems like there’s an unseen war.
I believe EVERY mother is a working mother, regardless of the label they have. Being a mum is an immense challenge laced with incredible joy; it’s a labour of love. I acknowledge FTWMs have a huge challenge caring for children, doing housework and the rest. I acknowledge SAHMs have a huge challenge caring for children, doing housework and the rest. I acknowledge WAHMs have a huge challenge caring for children, doing housework and the rest. I acknowledge PTWMs have a huge challenge caring for children, doing housework and the rest. Sure, the challenges are different but so are the differences from family to family and they are just as real to the relative person.
We are mums. We love our kids. Simple. Well, that’s how I like to think of it.
If you are a WAHM, SAHM, FTWM, PTWM or like me, a constant TTSSM, you’re a mum. In my opinion, every mum is a working mum and there’s no such thing as a part-time mum.
I know what category I’m most comfortable in: MUM.
So, is there a war?
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Awesome post. I’m definitely a TTSSM, especially today!
I’m glad I’m not the only TTSM. HA!
Well said Kelly…… Get this on TV, spread the news so we can stop the guilt trip we tend to put yourselves through.
There is a lot of that isn’t there Chrissy. I would love to see more support and less judgement.
PTWM – Thanks for this post! Love it! It is so true about us mums.
Thanks C. xx
Good message. xx
Nice to see you here Fiona! I love meeting new faces. I’ll pop by your blog soon to say hello too!
LOVE this. I agree completely. We as mums should never judge others and be grateful for the path we choose for ourselves and our own family. When we do whats best for us, that is truly the best answer.
Beautifully put Belinda.
Such a great message Kelly. I am constantly trying to justify my many roles to people – and mostly those closest to me! I feel guilty enough without my fellow mums adding their ‘two cents’. I am a mum first and foremost though, with a part time practice and have just started a full time PhD. Yes i am busy and sometimes (ok always) struggle to keep up, but my kids are happy and healthy. No one has any right to judge another mum’s choices, unless they’re detrimental to the well-being of their child. I absolutely agree with you that all mums are working mums. The hardest of my ‘jobs’ is parenting, and I have the greatest respect for all mums.
From a work-at-home-stay-at-home–studying-mum.
I know what you mean Nicole. For me, some people who are close to me just don’t get what I do and I get the silent but deadly “oh”. I’ve learnt to just respect that and I don’t talk about that particular part of my life with them. And I’m fine with that.
Well said, as usual Kelly.
I don’t know if there is a “war” as such, but I have definitely witnessed the “grass is greener” mentality. I think when we feel doubtful or insecure about our own position/ decision or just have the occasional “wish things were different” day, it is easier to lash out against others. I don’t know why we feel the need to get into different “camps” and grumble against each other, but sadly, that is what sometimes happens.
I like the perspective you’ve brought here Julie. I can see how it can happen easily without maliciousness. It is sad but perhaps, because of our society’s need to keep-up-with-the-jones’ does us no favours.
Wow Kelly, done it again, fantastic post, love the pics too. xx
HA! Thanks Renee. My kids did wonder why I was sticking things on my head. But the funny faces — they are used to that.
In the past two years I’ve gone from FTWM, to SAHM, to WAHM, to PTWM, but always a TTSSM! But the only label I’ve ever given myself is ‘mum’. And I agree, whichever mum acronym you slot into, it’s always work : )
Got it in a nutshell Melissa — as usual
You rock. This post is tops. xx
Thanks Lucy. I think you rock too. hehe
Hi Kelly I just found you through Ash. Fabulous post. Excellent points. Gee, it’s so boring, isn’t it? Life is hard enough being a mum without all this extra rubbish spread on top. J x
Hi Jane! Welcome! I’m so glad you’re here. Love to see new faces to the blog. I’ll pop over and visit your soon. xx
Im a SPTWNAHLLTTFSCM – Single Part time working Never at home live life to the fullest share custody mum.
LOL! I was waiting for some of these. I knew you wouldn’t dissapoint me Nicole.
Love it love it love it!!!
I am a SAHMTTSSWDWMPMILAWAGAD….
*stay at home mum trying to stay sane while dealing with my psycho mother in law as well as getting a degree…
Did I take it too far? Probably, oh well I feel better for getting it out though!!
xxoo
BAHAHAHA! Love it! Made me giggle.
I love this and can relate oh so well. It is nice to know I’m not the only one in this boat (mother in law from hell boat, ALL ABOARD!!!lol!!!)
hehe
Love it Kelly! The photos are fabulous and I love how you look happiest with the MUM label! I think I’m a TTSSM too! x
YES! Glad you got that about the pics
War might be a bit harsh but certainly I’ve heard and obversed heated discussions and snide comments, which I think is terribly sad. From my observation I think it stems from mums feeling inadequate or threatened in their own role and from that position attacking somebody doing something different in a bit of a “get them before they get me” situation. I don’t know any mums who are happy and confident in how they choose to parent who feel the need to attack anybody else. Would be so much better if everybody just accepted that the vast majority of us are doing the best we can, in whatever way fits our family and felt confident enough in our own way of doing that to encourage other mums too!
(I’m really tired so I apologise for the lack of coherence there, stringing words together isn’t working today!!)
Makes perfect sense Robyn. Totally get what you mean and I agree. I think too, that you are right in saying that it’s probably less to do with being mean and more to do with feeling insecure. Excellent perspective. x
Yes we mums wear many hats…. and every family is different… lets not have a war…
*PEACE*LOVE*HARMONY*
xoxoxo
@Michelle, xx
Love it Kell! And love the labels other Mums have given themselves hehe
I think it’s sad that there’s voiced opinions over each family’s decision & every Mum’s choice in regards to what we do. I also feel sad when Mum’s in each category make the other Mum’s in that group look bad. For example, a SAHM I’ve come across, does live it up to the max! But we’re not all like that!! And a FTWM I knew, cut her maternity leave short and returned to full time work when her first child was only 10 weeks old because her and her husband decided to buy a new 4×4 – so there I was looking after their 10 week old on top of my 3 week old every Monday so they could save money on child care all because they’d chosen to buy a $50,000 car that was out of their means. Yet I know many FTWM who are far from that and have their own reasons. And for me, being a WAHM, there are others that give this group a bad name too – some Mum’s of pre schoolers I know just play DVD after DVD or ABC kids all day in order to get their work done. Myself and others like me then get a bad rep even though I don’t work until 8 at night and sometimes through til 1 just so I can keep my day clear of work.
Gosh I can’t wait til all mine are at school so that all these ‘labels’ aren’t so full on. It feels like then some of the pressure eases up… Am I right? Are you judged more when you’ve got pre-schoolers? Because once they’re all at school there’s sort of that mentality that you can do what you like now? But then I suppose there’s pressure on Mum’s who remain SAHMs – are they looked down upon? Would love to hear from Mums in that boat
[My Mum was a SAHM my whole life and I loved it!!]
@Meeya, You are right Meeya. It’s true. It’s hard when we are lumped in with one group and you are given a “bad name”. I guess that is part of the problem with generalised labels.
Great post. And yes, I’ve been every one of those labels over the course of 15 plus years of parenting. Support other mums and forget the labels.
Well said: support other mums and forget the labels! YES!
Love it! I’m a FASSM (failed at staying sane mom), but don’t tell my kids, they just think I’m normal. The pictures are great, too!
BAHAHA! Good call Kristin. I wonder when my kids will realise how un-normal I am… lol
Great post . I really liked the pics
Thanks Ness
So true. I am tired of having to justify my choices all the time. And if I had made different choices, I would have had to justify them anyway. No wonder most of us can relate to the TTSSM label.
great post. people are very different and no one is a SAHM (FTWM etc) for the same reasons, with the same schedule, attitude and success as another.
i am a SAHM, and will hopefully be a PTWM soon, as my son enters prep in January. We’re all doing what we can or have to, in a way.
I used to be a career GIRL, but whatever I do now, I know that my label always will end in M, for mum, and that’s what matters.
@KAY,
oh, and GREAT illustration of the labels with your pics !!
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