The Anxious Child: Red Brain, Green Brain

One of the advantages of parenting special needs children is the opportunity to learn parenting strategies I wouldn’t have otherwise.  I’ve learnt so many wonderful parenting skills to use with all four of my children.

The paraphrased conversation I had with my Developmental Specialist Pediatrician went something like this:

DSP: Developmental Specialist Pediatrician            FM:FunMum

DSP: Intelligent parents often attack problems in an intelligent logical way.  So if a child is anxious and stressed about an issue, you immediately attack the problem with gusto.

FM: Yes, that sounds like me (especially the intelligent part, right?)

DSP: Although problems need to be addressed, when a child is anxious or upset, the world around them seems bleak.  Issues that usually may not bother the child seem larger than life when they are agitated.

FM: {light bulb moment}

DSP: At the first point of call, forget the issue.  Focus on the emotions first.  Once the emotion has been dealt with, and the child is in a calmer state, then talk about the issue.  This may be the next hour or the next day.

I learnt that sometimes intelligent parenting is not all that smart.

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This conversation leads me to the Red Brain, Green Brain scenario. Visually it looks like this:

Red Brain, Green Brain, is an easy way to explain anxiety to a child. When the child is anxious, it’s like their brain is red and everything they see is red; that is, grim, yuk, sad and the like.  In a recent Planning with Kids post, the author cited Louise Porter in relation when a child has lost control over their emotions.

“When someone is drowning that is not the time to give swimming lessons.”

On the other hand, when the child is calm and happy (aka Green Brain), their mind is clear and they are able to make decisions with clarity of thought.

One of my daughter’s is an anxious child.  Together, we’ve formulated a tool box for her to use when she is overcome with anxiety.  This is what she came up with.  I was fascinated in the colours and tools she chose.

Scenario 1

This is how used to attack my daughter’s anxiety.

At the times when she was overcome with anxiety, she would spill out issues from a second ago to a year ago, many of which were so trivial, it’s a wonder she even remembered them. Then, I tried to help her work it through it all.  It was an exhausting exercise, usually ending up with her in hysterics and me pulling my hair out.

Scenario 2

I’ve learnt, or I should say am learning, to address anxiety this way:

Obviously, the pretty picture above is the blueprint of how I try approach things.  In reality, it’s often difficult for my daughter to let go of anxiety; however, acknowledging how she feels, holding her close and telling her how sorry I am that she is feeling anxious has proven to be edifying for us both. We then talk about the issue when she is feeling better.

I too, am an anxious person, and when I think about it, I’ve developed strategies to manage my anxiety from having a cup of tea (really tea almost solves all my problems) to talking about it with someone I trust.

Try this

When your young child (2-4 years) is upset, instead of asking “What’s wrong” say “Are you feeling sad?”  Don’t be surprised if the child calms down right away.  Then you can say “What happened?” or “Why are you sad?”

What the experts have to say

The Child Developmental Network: Anxiety

Raising Children Network: Anxiety and Fears 

Focus on the Family: Childhood fears

Happy Child: How to Help Your Anxious Child

I find these verses comforting Luke12:22-26

Relevant Be A Fun Mum Posts

Help Me! Special Needs Children

Discipline

Note: I’m sharing personally, what I’ve learnt in my journey of mothering children with special needs and anxiety.  If you are worried about your child, visit your Doctor.

Tagged as: anxiety, childhood fears, childhood stress, Developmental Specialist Pediatrician, Discipline, speical needs child, the anxious child