10 Mistakes

June 6, 2010

I was interested to read the recent post from Good Goog.  Good Goog’s author, Zoey, quotes from an article on Lifescript titled, 10 Biggest Mistakes Parents Make. Here is the list I like to call the Guilt Trip List:

  1. Sharing a bed with baby.
  2. Putting your child to bed with milk or juice.
  3. Buying second-hand toys or baby furniture.
  4. Showing your child “smart baby” DVDs.
  5. Putting kids in the basket of a shopping cart.
  6. Sharing utensils with your child.
  7. Delaying or avoiding vaccines.
  8. Leaving your child alone in the car “just for a minute.”
  9. Skipping helmets on tricycle rides.
  10. Leaving your child alone in the bath or shower.

I’m giving myself an epic FAIL. Epic, epic FAIL. F-A-I-L. I’m not advocating irresponsible parenting but I think this list is, well — ridiculous.  Sharing utensils?? Second hand toys???  Seriously?? 

I’ve been thinking about some mistakes parents make (and what I have learnt from my own mistakes).

This is the list I like to call the Heart Attitude List:

  1. Not taking time to listen to your child.
  2. Taking your anger out on a child.
  3. Judging your child on another person’s child or standard.
  4. Not allowing your child to be themselves.
  5. Forgetting a goodnight kiss and cuddle.
  6. Failing to invest in nurturing discipline.
  7. Missing the ‘love the moment’ moments.
  8. Failing to say sorry.
  9. Not saying “I love you” everyday — in fact several times a day.
  10. Pushing a child to pursue your unfulfilled dreams.

The Lifescript list has missed the mark, mostly because it has been attacked from above rather than dealing with the source.  Like if you have an infected abscess; no matter how many band aids you but on, it’s not going to get better.  It needs to be dealt with from below the surface.  In the same way, if you create a Guilt Trip List for parents, mistakes can still fester.  Rather, if parents set their own Heart Attutide List to encourage the nurturing of each child as an individual (for who God made them to be), it’s a given parents will take measures to keep their children safe.  The Heart Attitude List deals with mistakes that can carry through a child’s life into adulthood; mistakes, if repeated over and over again, can create a myriad of scars that never really heal.

Be a parent who attacks mistakes of the heart, not the skin. Make yourself a Heart Attitude List not a Guilt Trip List.

Read my post on nurturing discipline.

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{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }

Zoey @ Good GoogNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 12:42 pm

I love your list Kelly! And by your standards (and mine) I’m doing a much better job than by the Lifescript list.

I’m a big believer in saying sorry. I think it’s a wonderful way of teaching kids to say sorry instead of just making them say it.

And I have my own ‘good goog’ tag. I’m honoured!

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AshNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 4:41 pm

Loved your post too Zoey!

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Zoey @ Good GoogNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 6:26 pm

@Ash, Thanks Ash!

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 7:09 pm

HA! Thanks for inspiring me Zoey. I’m not so much of a failure after all *phew*.

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BookChookNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 12:53 pm

Luckily, I never knew enough to feel guilt about some of those things on the Lifescript list. Even luckier, I still don’t! I am amazed that anyone would think it “wrong” to buy secondhand gear for a baby. To me, it is plain good sense and helpful to the planet to recycle resources. And I still can’t think of a reason not to put a little one into a shopping trolley so long as you are right there with them. Enlighten me please.

Your list is lovely, Kelly. And not just for our kids, but our partners too.

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 7:13 pm

Thanks Susan. And I agree the list could be applied to respecting our partners as well — I like that.

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www.fabianspadedebora.netNo Gravatar February 18, 2014 at 10:06 pm

Cheers pal. I do appreciate the writing.

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MarlaNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 1:00 pm

I’m not a parent yet, but I strongly support your list. :)

Marla @ http://www.asthefarmturns.wordpress.com

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 7:15 pm

Hi Marla,

I’m glad you liked my list. I’ll pop over and say hi at your blog.

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SquiggleMumNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 1:19 pm

Liking your list better…

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 7:17 pm

me too Squigs, me too

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JanetNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 1:22 pm

Right on Kelly – your list is one I am much more interested in living up to than that other one …

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 7:19 pm

Thanks Janet. I agree with your agreeing with me ;)

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EliseNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 1:52 pm

I am perplexed as to how some of the things were even considered for the first list.

This certainly is a thought provoking topic.

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 7:21 pm

It is bizarre. ????

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AlissaNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 1:53 pm

Love the heart attitude list… So much more uplifting and gets to the source. Thanks for another wise and inspiring post.

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 7:24 pm

What a lovely comment Alissa!

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Mrs WoogNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 2:20 pm

One out of ten – I never showed my kids Brainy DVD’s. Does that make me mother of the year?? xo

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 8:11 pm

LOL, well you’ll have to fight me for it cause I’m the same. I was like Brainy DVD! That’s the only thing out of the list that I haven’t done and that is probably the most benign.

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AshNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 3:18 pm

I love your list Kelly. In fact I think I’ll print it out and put it on our fridge. The first list is mostly safety issues but there are definitely some there that I don’t agree with. We co-sleep every now and then and its very special to us, and as for buying second-hand toys…its saved us a fortune! Thank-you for your beautful list.

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 7:07 pm

Thanks Ash. And the fridge is a great idea. I’ll do the same!

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Amanda BurrowNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 5:48 pm

Um like your list but should number 10 read ‘pushing a child to pursue *your* dreams. I assume you mean *their* dreams.

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Zoey @ Good GoogNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 6:28 pm

@Amanda Burrow, I think she’s talking about living your dreams vicariously through your child as a mistake.

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Amanda BurrowNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 6:37 pm

@Zoey @ Good Goog, Yes sorry! Sorry Kelly! My only excuse is I am sleep deprived with sick kids. Glad everyone got it but me!

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 7:06 pm

lol Amanda.. Zoey’s right on what I meant. My fault, I didn’t word it very well. I’ve change it slightly so I hope it makes more sense now…

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JulieNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 8:19 pm

Yep, I’m a big failure on list #1 as well (especially #3, 5 and 6!) I have also failed on list #2, and my failure on the “heart attitudes” list is much more of a concern to me than failing on the first list. Thanks for all these wonderful reminders. I also went back and read your “nurturing discipline” post. I LOVED it! Such a great summary of so many things that I have been reading and thinking. I really want to be a mum like you when I grow up Kelly!

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 9:44 pm

I’ve failed on list 2 too but it’s something I aspire to (there are a lot of different tos in that sentence). The fail on List 1 was not quite so epic as my fail mark on List 1.

I’m glad you read the discipline post. I put a lot of thought into that one. It was great for me too, to get it clear in my head (I like writing for that reason).

Thank you for your sweet comment Julie. I think you are a very special person. I look forward to your posts.

Talk soon. xx

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KatherineNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 9:29 pm

Your list is MUCH more appropriate :)

What the heck is wrong with second hand toys?

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar June 6, 2010 at 9:38 pm

your guess is as good as mine.

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Colin WeeNo Gravatar June 7, 2010 at 1:48 am

@Kelly Be A Fun Mum, That’s what I asked too. Apparently the reasoning is that second hand el cheapo toys may have been recalled and that they might be hazardous for your children. Colin

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MichelleNo Gravatar June 7, 2010 at 11:03 am

Oh, mark me off for everything on the first list!
I’d much rather focus on attitudes of the heart.
xx

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Kelly Be A Fun MumNo Gravatar June 7, 2010 at 5:09 pm

I knew you would Michelle. xx

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Katie Everyday MumNo Gravatar June 18, 2010 at 5:19 pm

Love, love, love this post Kelly. You hit the nail right on that head.

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