How can something so cute be so feral?
Do you have a budding toddler? Get ready for battle; believe me, a 2 year-old is a worthy oponent. The greatest advice I could give about dealing with the tantrums and the terrible twos is this: CHOOSE VERY CAREFULLY WHAT BATTLE YOU CHOOSE TO FIGHT. Or as my husband says, “Choose which hill to die on.” In other words, don’t choose a battle not worth winning.
This was my morning:
6.00 am
Son: I WANT MY BREAKFAST! (Why are they so very loud in the morning?)
Me: Made him some weetbix.
6.15 am
Son: I WANT SOME TOAST! Butter and jam please.
Me: I made some toast with butter and jam for him.
6.20 am
Son: *SCREAMING* I DON’T WANT JAM!
Me: You asked for jam and butter and we are not going to waste the food. If you would like toast, you can eat what I made for you.
6.21 am
Son: *SCREAMING*
Me: I’m putting you in your bed for a few mintues. When you are ready to stop screaming, you can come out.
6.23am
Son: Still screaming
Me: Son, when you are ready to stop screaming, you can come out.
6.25 am
Son: Still screaming
6.27 am
Son: I want to eat my toast now please Mum.
Me: Sure Son, come and sit down.
6.30 am
Son: *SCREAMING* I DON’T WANT JAM!
Me: This is the toast I made for you; if you want toast, you can eat this.
6.32 am
Son: Still screaming
Me: I’m putting you back in your bed. When you stop screaming, I will come talk to you.
6.35 am
Son: Still screaming
Me: Having a shower and trying to shut out the noise with the running water.
6.37 am
Son: Still screaming
Me: Gettng dressed for the day
6.40 am
Son: Mum
Me: Yes Son?
Son: I’m ready for my toast now please.
6.45 am
Son: Eats the toast happily.
**************************
Why did I choose to win this battle? This hasn’t been an isolated incident; there have been quite a few occasions like this and I don’t want to have a battle every morning about jolly toast. So this was a battle I wanted to win. To me it was important. There may be more battles like this but each one will be shorter. Which battle you choose will depend on what’s going on in your family at the time. It may be a small issue or a large issue; just be careful to decide and stick to it.
Note from Dr B (the husband): It’s vital not to choose to ‘die on the hill’ over something that is inconsequential; remember, you are planting your flag on the hill and saying “this far and no further”. If the issue is not worth this effort, then seriously reconsider persisting with the fight and withdraw!
This is what my husband says jokingly, or not so jokingly, about two-year-olds:
“Lucky you’re cute, cause right now, you’ve nothing else going for you.”
At the end of a feral day, look at them when the’re asleep, and all will be forgotton.
If want to read more about toddler tantrums, I like these blog posts:
Works for Me Homemaking
SquiggleMum:
Hear Mum Roar:
Using language as a tool against tantrums
Tweets that mention Choose Which Hill to Die On : The Terrible Twos : Be A Fun Mum -- Topsy.com on 2010.05.19
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Kelly Long Burstow, Be A Fun Mum. Be A Fun Mum said: Choose Which Hill to Die On http://beafunmum.com/2010/05/choose-which-hill-to-die-on-the-terrible-twos/ @squigglemum @hearmumroar [...]
Kathryn Rodda
on
2010.05.19
Oh so true! Food and behaviour battles are ones we don’t budge on. And at the moment, we are fighting the ‘you need something on your feet all the time now it’s cold’ battle. It’s tiring, but the end result is so worth it. I feel such joy and achievement when I get comments at the shops or in public on how well behaved my boys are – they aren’t all the time! My sister in law said in a prayer in church on Mother’s Day ‘Thank you God that our children look so angelic when they are asleep’
It’s also nice to know we are not alone in the battles of parenting young children!
[Reply]
Kelly Be A Fun Mum
Reply:
May 19th, 2010 at 7:00 pm
Ha, I second that prayer “Thank you God that our children look angelic when they are asleep.”
You are right, It is a battle, but worth it.
[Reply]
Hear Mum Roar
on
2010.05.19
I like that phrase, ‘choose which hill to die on’ LOL. In our family, we say, ‘pick your battles’, and I fully agree with you. There are some things which may seem trivial to others to make a stand on, but often for the parents there is a very good reason for it.
Thanks so much for the link, too:)
[Reply]
Kelly Be A Fun Mum
Reply:
May 19th, 2010 at 7:01 pm
LOL I know, the phrase makes me laugh ever time. That’s my husband for you.
[Reply]
Kelly Be A Fun Mum
Reply:
May 19th, 2010 at 7:02 pm
And you are most welcome. I loved the posts.
[Reply]
SquiggleMum
on
2010.05.19
No matter how horrid they’ve been to deal with during the day, don’t they just melt your heart when they are asleep (in gumboots)?! The toddler years are terrible and terrific all at the same time. xx
[Reply]
Kelly Be A Fun Mum
Reply:
May 19th, 2010 at 8:41 pm
They do indeed. So precious to watch them sleep.
[Reply]
Kay Roy
on
2010.05.19
Kell i go through this exact same battle over toast and honey or vegemite every single morning with Blake, it is getting easier and i like you choose to win this battle over food…..Nothing frustrates me more than putting good food in the bin! nice to know i am not alone with this battle!
[Reply]
Kelly Be A Fun Mum
Reply:
May 19th, 2010 at 8:48 pm
I think a lot of parents make a issue about food. It’s something not to take for granted. I’m like you: I hate seeing food to in the bin.
[Reply]
mamabearscubhouse
on
2010.05.20
my saying…toddlers are teenagers without keys! lol
practice for later, right? lol
melinda
[Reply]
Kelly Be A Fun Mum
Reply:
May 20th, 2010 at 10:09 am
LOL
[Reply]
joan
on
2010.05.20
Oh, my goodness! Those last two pictures just made my heart leap, they are so sweet! How could you not deny this little angle ANYTHING?!! Ha!
[Reply]
Kelly Be A Fun Mum
Reply:
May 20th, 2010 at 10:09 am
HA! Quite easily when he is a feral. LOL
[Reply]
Meegan
on
2010.05.20
Kelly, are you sure you weren’t at my house this morning?! We have the exact same situation almost every single morning. It wears me down for the rest of the day, on some days. You know the ones, where you haven’t slept well the night before, or have a million and one things to do, or we are already running late (a pet hate of mine) or just know it’s going to be a stressful day…
To comabt this, we do try to pick our battles with the kids. Food ones I get on my high horse over – I really detest wasting food! Oh and manners. I am a stickler for good manners
At the end of the day my last stop before my bed, is each child’s bed. I watch them sleep, tuck them in just that little bit further and kiss their soft cheeks one last goodnight.
Most of the time it makes the troubles of the day just melt away.
[Reply]
Kelly Be A Fun Mum
Reply:
May 21st, 2010 at 7:16 am
I think this is an issue a lot of parents face. And you are so right, it is absolutely exhausting!
[Reply]
Becky
on
2010.05.20
We have this type of issue a lunch right now, not loving it!
I am trying to get my husband to pick his battles, I am afraid that he tends to go in all guns blazing at the moment.
Thank goodness for bed time
[Reply]
Kelly Be A Fun Mum
Reply:
May 21st, 2010 at 7:19 am
Hi Becky, made me giggle your description of your hubby. It’s taken a while for mine to get it, but as you so from the post, he REALLY has it now. It’s hard to be consistent, but worth it in the end. And bed time is awesome.
[Reply]
Polly
on
2010.05.21
True, true, true! It’s wearing me out just reading the transcript of your conversation with your little one because we live it out daily here, too, on a variety of topics.
You’re right, though, at the end of the day, when they look at you with those big eyes and that sweet smile and say, “You’re the best mommy ever,” it makes it all seem to fade away.
[Reply]
Kelly Be A Fun Mum
Reply:
May 21st, 2010 at 7:28 am
It’s nice to know so many Mothers face the same issue (not just me). It a very ‘wearing out’ stage. *sigh*
Keep on keeping on.
[Reply]
Michelle
on
2010.05.21
Oh two year olds – gotta love them – they are so dramatic and so laughable.
I have a similar battle daily at morning tea time – my 2 year old is trying to drag it forward and I’m pretty set with the time to fit in with our schooling. It goes a little like – you can have some fruit or wait….. wah wah wah… etc etc.
But always oh so cute! And the 2 year old soon becomes the head strong 3 year old – and the head strong 3 year old soon becomes battle of the minds 4 year old and with every stage there is a different challenge and with those challenges come lovely rewards.
Parenting – how we are blessed!
[Reply]
Kelly Be A Fun Mum
Reply:
May 21st, 2010 at 11:49 am
Michelle, I love how you have defined the stages here. so so true,
[Reply]
Julie
on
2010.05.25
Great post Kelly, and I enjoyed reading the “Hear mum roar” posts too. Thankfully, we haven’t quite got to this stage yet, but as my daughter has just turned two, I’m sure these times await. I love the saying “choose which hill to die on”. I’m glad I have posts like this to read to help me think and pray about how I will parent into the future.
[Reply]
Kelly Be A Fun Mum
Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 10:25 am
I’d love to hear your feed back Julie on how you go when it’s your turn
[Reply]
Susan
on
2010.06.28
OMG! You have just described an average battle with my son Rhys. He is 27 months and whoah he will let you know when he wants something his way!!! We are very firm with our kids, I believe that the minute I back down he will take that and run with it, so although it breaks my heart sometimes, I just need to let him lie on the floor kicking and screaming.
Love your blog!! I have just stumbled upon it today, and will definitely be using some of your organising tips in particular.
[Reply]
Kelly Be A Fun Mum
Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 10:24 am
@Susan, Hi Susan, lol, I think so many Mums go through similar experiences with their toddlers…. Thanks for visiting.
[Reply]
Little Billies, Toast and The Terrible Twos : Be A Fun Mum on 2010.08.03
[...] like to read one of my morning battles with my two-year-old son, follow the link to this post: Choose Which Hill to Die On: The Terrible Twos. The post details a typical morning at my place and demonstrates how a piece of toast — [...]
Self-Control, Concentration, Anxiety and Video Games : Be A Fun Mum on 2010.08.20
[...] Choose Which Hill to Die On: The Terrible Twos [...]
A Year of Blogging : Be A Fun Mum on 2010.08.23
[...] Choose Which Hill to Die On: The Terrible Twos: I’ve turned a horrible morning with my toddler (beginning of post) into general advice on toddler training (end of post). [...]
Childishness or Foolishness : Be A Fun Mum on 2010.08.30
[...] behaviour can come in. If then, my child, who I know understands my expectations (and I’m careful about this), deliberately disobeys me, this, in my opinion, can be seen as foolish behaviour, if [...]