How can something so cute be so feral?
Do you have a budding toddler? Get ready for battle; believe me, a 2 year-old is a worthy oponent. The greatest advice I could give about dealing with the tantrums and the terrible twos is this: CHOOSE VERY CAREFULLY WHAT BATTLE YOU CHOOSE TO FIGHT. Or as my husband says, “Choose which hill to die on.” In other words, don’t choose a battle not worth winning.
This was my morning:
6.00 am
Son: I WANT MY BREAKFAST! (Why are they so very loud in the morning?)
Me: Made him some weetbix.
6.15 am
Son: I WANT SOME TOAST! Butter and jam please.
Me: I made some toast with butter and jam for him.
6.20 am
Son: *SCREAMING* I DON’T WANT JAM!
Me: You asked for jam and butter and we are not going to waste the food. If you would like toast, you can eat what I made for you.
6.21 am
Son: *SCREAMING*
Me: I’m putting you in your bed for a few mintues. When you are ready to stop screaming, you can come out.
6.23am
Son: Still screaming
Me: Son, when you are ready to stop screaming, you can come out.
6.25 am
Son: Still screaming
6.27 am
Son: I want to eat my toast now please Mum.
Me: Sure Son, come and sit down.
6.30 am
Son: *SCREAMING* I DON’T WANT JAM!
Me: This is the toast I made for you; if you want toast, you can eat this.
6.32 am
Son: Still screaming
Me: I’m putting you back in your bed. When you stop screaming, I will come talk to you.
6.35 am
Son: Still screaming
Me: Having a shower and trying to shut out the noise with the running water.
6.37 am
Son: Still screaming
Me: Gettng dressed for the day
6.40 am
Son: Mum
Me: Yes Son?
Son: I’m ready for my toast now please.
6.45 am
Son: Eats the toast happily.
**************************
Why did I choose to win this battle? This hasn’t been an isolated incident; there have been quite a few occasions like this and I don’t want to have a battle every morning about jolly toast. So this was a battle I wanted to win. To me it was important. There may be more battles like this but each one will be shorter. Which battle you choose will depend on what’s going on in your family at the time. It may be a small issue or a large issue; just be careful to decide and stick to it.
Note from Dr B (the husband): It’s vital not to choose to ‘die on the hill’ over something that is inconsequential; remember, you are planting your flag on the hill and saying “this far and no further”. If the issue is not worth this effort, then seriously reconsider persisting with the fight and withdraw!
This is what my husband says jokingly, or not so jokingly, about two-year-olds:
“Lucky you’re cute, cause right now, you’ve nothing else going for you.”
At the end of a feral day, look at them when the’re asleep, and all will be forgotton.
If want to read more about toddler tantrums, I like these blog posts:
Works for Me Homemaking
SquiggleMum:
Hear Mum Roar:
Using language as a tool against tantrums
Tantrum triggers and how to avoid them
What can you do if your child has a public tantrum
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh so true! Food and behaviour battles are ones we don’t budge on. And at the moment, we are fighting the ‘you need something on your feet all the time now it’s cold’ battle. It’s tiring, but the end result is so worth it. I feel such joy and achievement when I get comments at the shops or in public on how well behaved my boys are – they aren’t all the time! My sister in law said in a prayer in church on Mother’s Day ‘Thank you God that our children look so angelic when they are asleep’
It’s also nice to know we are not alone in the battles of parenting young children!
Ha, I second that prayer “Thank you God that our children look angelic when they are asleep.”
You are right, It is a battle, but worth it.
I like that phrase, ‘choose which hill to die on’ LOL. In our family, we say, ‘pick your battles’, and I fully agree with you. There are some things which may seem trivial to others to make a stand on, but often for the parents there is a very good reason for it.
Thanks so much for the link, too:)
LOL I know, the phrase makes me laugh ever time. That’s my husband for you.
And you are most welcome. I loved the posts.
No matter how horrid they’ve been to deal with during the day, don’t they just melt your heart when they are asleep (in gumboots)?! The toddler years are terrible and terrific all at the same time. xx
They do indeed. So precious to watch them sleep.
Kell i go through this exact same battle over toast and honey or vegemite every single morning with Blake, it is getting easier and i like you choose to win this battle over food…..Nothing frustrates me more than putting good food in the bin! nice to know i am not alone with this battle!
I think a lot of parents make a issue about food. It’s something not to take for granted. I’m like you: I hate seeing food to in the bin.
my saying…toddlers are teenagers without keys! lol
practice for later, right? lol
melinda
LOL
Oh, my goodness! Those last two pictures just made my heart leap, they are so sweet! How could you not deny this little angle ANYTHING?!! Ha!
HA! Quite easily when he is a feral. LOL
Kelly, are you sure you weren’t at my house this morning?! We have the exact same situation almost every single morning. It wears me down for the rest of the day, on some days. You know the ones, where you haven’t slept well the night before, or have a million and one things to do, or we are already running late (a pet hate of mine) or just know it’s going to be a stressful day…
To comabt this, we do try to pick our battles with the kids. Food ones I get on my high horse over – I really detest wasting food! Oh and manners. I am a stickler for good manners
At the end of the day my last stop before my bed, is each child’s bed. I watch them sleep, tuck them in just that little bit further and kiss their soft cheeks one last goodnight.
Most of the time it makes the troubles of the day just melt away.
I think this is an issue a lot of parents face. And you are so right, it is absolutely exhausting!
We have this type of issue a lunch right now, not loving it!
I am trying to get my husband to pick his battles, I am afraid that he tends to go in all guns blazing at the moment.
Thank goodness for bed time
Hi Becky, made me giggle your description of your hubby. It’s taken a while for mine to get it, but as you so from the post, he REALLY has it now. It’s hard to be consistent, but worth it in the end. And bed time is awesome.
True, true, true! It’s wearing me out just reading the transcript of your conversation with your little one because we live it out daily here, too, on a variety of topics.
You’re right, though, at the end of the day, when they look at you with those big eyes and that sweet smile and say, “You’re the best mommy ever,” it makes it all seem to fade away.
It’s nice to know so many Mothers face the same issue (not just me). It a very ‘wearing out’ stage. *sigh*
Keep on keeping on.
Oh two year olds – gotta love them – they are so dramatic and so laughable.
I have a similar battle daily at morning tea time – my 2 year old is trying to drag it forward and I’m pretty set with the time to fit in with our schooling. It goes a little like – you can have some fruit or wait….. wah wah wah… etc etc.
But always oh so cute! And the 2 year old soon becomes the head strong 3 year old – and the head strong 3 year old soon becomes battle of the minds 4 year old and with every stage there is a different challenge and with those challenges come lovely rewards.
Parenting – how we are blessed!
Michelle, I love how you have defined the stages here. so so true,
Great post Kelly, and I enjoyed reading the “Hear mum roar” posts too. Thankfully, we haven’t quite got to this stage yet, but as my daughter has just turned two, I’m sure these times await. I love the saying “choose which hill to die on”. I’m glad I have posts like this to read to help me think and pray about how I will parent into the future.
I’d love to hear your feed back Julie on how you go when it’s your turn
OMG! You have just described an average battle with my son Rhys. He is 27 months and whoah he will let you know when he wants something his way!!! We are very firm with our kids, I believe that the minute I back down he will take that and run with it, so although it breaks my heart sometimes, I just need to let him lie on the floor kicking and screaming.
Love your blog!! I have just stumbled upon it today, and will definitely be using some of your organising tips in particular.
@Susan, Hi Susan, lol, I think so many Mums go through similar experiences with their toddlers…. Thanks for visiting.
Dont know if its just pregnancy hormones nut this “choose wich hill to die on’ made me cry. Enjoyed it much, thank you
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