I often run in autopilot.  This is not an automatic thing; I program it into my brain first.  Like a gymnast visualises a routine in their mind before throwing their body into the mix, so I, run through my mind, a sequence of events before I have to do them. 

I’ve done this for a long time now but I’ve only recently become aware of this visualisation.  The realisation came to me when I was dropping my children to school one morning. Before I go on with the story I just want to back track a little.

Whilst I’m rushing around in the morning, trying to get four children ready for the day, I think about what I need to do before I walk out the door. Can you imagine, for a moment, the image below is my brain? Please? Just do it for me, okay? Don’t be scared. Alright, just be a little afraid.

In my head I ‘see’ where the keys are hanging.  I visualise where my son’s shoes are. I think about where the rotten sweet attachment toys would be because we HAVE to take them everywhere.  So on, so forth.  When it comes to the crunch, my body just runs on it’s own.  Freaky, I know (I bet you do it too). Now I’m teaching my children the same, so they can be as deranged smart as me.

Getting back to the school drop-off. I was finding whenever I got to the school gate, battling all the other parents to be the first to throw get my children out the car, my children didn’t know where their bags were and what door to get out of. And I’m like, “HURRY UP AND GET OUT OF THE CAR!” Except, of course, I said it in a whisper as per my post. NOT. UM. *cough* After a hurried kiss and hand waving by other parents, the drop off was done.  Far from the positive, happy, love and kisses send-off I was hoping.

To make the school drop off relaxed more relaxed, I decided to teach my children how to turn their autopilot on (the realisation about the whole autopilot thing came about now: wow, I do that automatically).  The girls and I chose a certain landmark on the way to school where they visualise their bag and how to get out of the car.    The car drop off is now a wonderfully, happy, love and kisses send-off.

Ahhhh, autopilot; you wonderful thing.

I was with my sister this morning.  Her child had a dirty nappy so she proceeded to pull a nappy from her bag and inside, was a nappy sack ready to go!  I was so impressed!  What a great way to organise nappies when you are out. 

There was no trying to pull out a bag with one hand while holding a dirty nappy in the other. And would someone tell me why nappy sacks never come out from the packet one at a time?  Ah, but no more. LOOK!

Now while we are talking about nappies, I want to tell you about my recent discovery. Nappy Wallets!  Have you heard about them?  Nappy Wallets hold nappies (with nappy sacks inside) and wipes.   The wallet can be tossed in the bottom of the stroller, left in the boot of the car and is small enough to fit in most handbags and nappy bags.  All this is awesome but what I love most about Nappy Wallets is the  little bit of happiness I get when I pull it out.  Another ‘Love the Moment’ moment.  Look at these gorgeous handcrafted designs by ZeeBee Creations. Don’t they just make you happy? 

Thanks to Little Yon Yon, Be A Fun Mum readers have the chance to buy a wallet at 10% off by using this special code at checkout: BFUNMUM.  Just head over to the website by clicking on the above picture. Valid until 7th May 2010.

 I love my nappy wallet and you will too. Trust me

“Will you just go and play!”

I catch myself saying this when my young children are hanging off my legs.  Sometimes a child doesn’t know where to start when it comes to play. When this happens, a little effort in terms of set-up, goes a long way.

To be honest, I often don’t want to take the time to instigate play for my children, let alone sit down and play with them.  I’m just too busy; I’ve got too much to do; I don’t feel like it.  This is truth; however, what I find is, when I take the time out to be with my children this is what happens:

1. I actually enjoy it!

2. The children play happily and independently for longer periods.

This is the secret: just decide to take the time.

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Tips for setting up toys:

1. Try setting up somewhere different. For example, a table, outdoors, in a different room or on a bright coloured picnic mat.

2. Spend 5 minutes with your child/ren before leaving them play (this may be a little tricky if you only have one child but it’s good for a child to play independently so work towards it as a goal).

3. Leave the toys set up.  I know it’s good to “pack things away after we have finished with it” but when I take the time to set up toys for the children, they tend to play with it, on and off, throughout the day.

4. Pull out toys your children haven’t played with for a while.

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If your child is stuck in terms of how to play…

It’s worth it in the long run.

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This is part of the Childhood101 We Play Linkup.

To a child, the words “be quiet” are subjective. That is, the interpretation of the words often vary from a parent’s definition.   When a parent says, “BE QUIET!” they are really saying, “Please, can you use a soft voice.”  However, the interpretation of “be quiet” to a two-year-old boy, for example, is to speak loudly instead of very loudly.   The funny thing is, these two words, when spoken by a parent, are usually said like this: “BE QUIET!!!!!”  This is opposite to the decible you are asking the child to emulate.

Instead, I like to use the word whisper, and I say it in a small soft voice. I say it like this: “Shhhh, whisper.”  Whisper is an active word that leaves little interpretation for a child.

So next time you are about to say, “BE QUIET!” try saying, “Whisper,” instead. It only takes a few reminders for a child to get the whisper concept.

Note: This is another example of being proactive rather than reactive.  Read my post here.

Another note: I wish I would known this when first had a child.  It’s taken me quiet a few children to get this concept so learn from my mistake.

Here’s an easy paper craft: Whose House?

You will need

Whose House? Craft Template (click to access PDF file)

Drawing pencils

Sticky Tape

Instructions

1. Allow child to colour in Whose House? Page One.

Whose House? Page ONe

2. Allow child to colour Whose House? Page Two

Whose House? Page Two

3. Adult to cut along three sides of all windows and door of Whose House? Page One to create openings.

4. Place Whose House? Page One on top of Whose House? Page Two and sticky tape sides.

Play Tips

*  Follow the numbers until whose house is established.

*  Create animal sounds at each opening.

*  Make up a story.

*  Sing ‘Old MacDonald’ Had a Farm’

*  Make your own Whose House?: Use the Whose House? Page One page only and sticky tape a blank piece of paper behind.  Open the windows and door and draw in the empty space.

I did this craft with these two boys. It was fun!  Gotta love the tounge action.

We have a joke in our family (many actually). Whenever the children have something yummy, like an ice-cream, they give a bite to Daddy as Daddy-Tax. The children roll their eyes and say, “DAAAAD!” before reluctantly giving it up – with a hint of a grin.

When it comes down to it, I think far too much and apply meaning to, well, everything.  This is a positive element to my personality; however, I’ve learnt that not EVERYTHING has to have deep significance. That’s part of the reason why Blu (hubby) is so perfect for me.  He takes things as they come and is a what-you-see-is-what-you-get person. (Also to mention the fact that he’s tall, dark and oh-so-handsome).

Now, on to the deep meaning I attach to Daddy-Tax (I still indulge; so sue me).  I appreciate and honour my husband for working hard to provide for our family so I can continue to work from home.  In turn, my husband respects what I do and the sacrifices I’ve made in my role as Mother.  Daddy-Tax has really nothing to do with this and everything to do with this. 

Daddy-Tax really is a joke but I like to take every opportunity to honour Blu in front of the children.  I say something like this: ”Daddy worked hard to pay for those treats you know.” 

I believe it’s important to create an environment of respect for your spouse and it has to be an intentional thing.  There are so many opportunities to do this very thing – there for the taking.

How do you create an environment of respect for your spouse?

On Mondays, I usually have children’s television on for longer periods (I LOVE ABC 2). And you know what? I don’t feel at all guilty! It’s an intentional decision I’ve made and I feel comfortable with it.  Understand, I don’t endorse watching television all day, every day, and my young children rarely sit for more than 20 minutes at a time. Instead, they sit in front of the television for a time and then potter and play, and after for sitting for a period, they go outside (so on, so forth).  After lunch it’s rest time and the television is usually off for the day. 

You see, on Mondays I’m at home. I like to potter. I like to anticipate and get ready for the rest of the week. I wash the sheets and clean the bathroom. I catch up on washing and scrub the sink. Monday is my ‘regroup myself’ day.

On every other day, my children watch little television.  Every afternoon, after school, it’s ‘outside time’ (unless there’s a cyclone), the mornings are busy and I’m out and about a fair bit. Ahhhh, but Mondays, are TV days. Believe it or not, I like Mondays.

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Make an informed decision. Read this article from The Royal Australasian College of Physicians: Paediatrics & Child Health Division: Children and the media:Advocating for the future

I tend to run in Fast Forward or  Stop (and nowhere in-between).  This means, I’m either running around madly or unable to move. I’m missing the play button. The consequence of this is I often run into furniture and trip over things.  I drop boxes on my feet and cut myself in the kitchen. Being in fast forward means I’m always in a hurry.

This is something I’ve been working on: finding the play button in my life.  Because, when I’m constantly in a hurry, I stress my family out. You see, I like it when I’m in hurry mode (ie Fast Forward) so I often leave things to the last minute so I HAVE to run around madly.  I’ve been slow to learn this lesson: Hurry + Children = Stress.

Friday Morning: print flossie’s assignment.make four lunches.change two nappies.back four bags.brush four heads of hair.four mouths to feed.don’t forget to get your shoes on.in car.forgot phone.run back inside.drive to school.late.walk children up.son crying.sun in his eyes.cossie can’t move quickly enough.back in car. drive to kindy.son and cossie are stressed.stayed to settle.hurry.hurry.hurry.sat in the car.stop.

Admittedly, not every morning is quite as bad as the Friday gone; however, it made me think.  When I’m in a hurry, it’s rarely a good thing for my family.  Looking back over my Friday morning, I can see a lot of the fast forwardness (is that even a word?) was due to lack of organisation.

I can be organised, I like being organised but I choose not to be sometimes because I also like to hurry. I’m choosing to bring more organisation into my life because my family’s needs are important to me and I seek to create an environment of harmony  in my home. Here’s to me finding my play button.

Planning with Kids is a great blog about, wait for it, planning with kids!

I have three sisters.  They are my best friends. Everywhere we go, people comment on our relationship and want to be part of it.  We’ve ‘adopted’ many sisters along the way. This sort of relationship doesn’t just happen by chance,  it take a lot of work (mostly by our Mother).

Our mother died (just six month after the above picture was taken). She was only 51. Four girls were left alone.  You know,  a mother is the heart of a home and draws everyone together.  When this tie was severed, the four sad girls had to make a choice.  We knew the risks or drifting apart and of losing the very thing our mother worked so hard for.  So, we chose to work hard to be close, to work things out, to be friends for life.

Now I’m the mother and I want this same relationship for my children.  So how do you encourage a friends-for-life relationship in your children?  This is what I’ve come up with this:

• Don’t hope your toddler will love the new baby. Expect it.
• Don’t hope your children will get on. Expect it.
• Don’t hope your children will stand up for each other. Expect it.
• Don’t hope your children will understand each other. Expect it.
• Don’t hope your children will be affectionate. Expect it.
• Don’t hope your children will be friends for life. Expect it.

(While I’ve written this list in third person, I’m really writing it to myself. This is my list.)

The thing is, if you expect something, it becomes a goal to be achieved, not a vague idea of how you want things to be.  Now the hard work begins. Because I expect these qualities from my children, I work towards them.

• Expect your toddler to love the new baby.  When I gave birth to my second child, it didn’t even occur to me there would be an issue with my eldest.  In this way, I was unaware  this problem could even exist (of jealousy).  This helped create a positive view of the new person in our family.  This new life was a cause of celebration for all of us, including the big sister. (This followed through with my subsequent children).
• Expect your children to get on.  That doesn’t mean they always do. My children fight like any other siblings.  However, I expect them to work it out.  A great way to dispand tension is to get siblings to give each other a kiss.  My parents did this with my sisters and I; we couldn’t help but laugh. It was a great ice-breaker.
• Expect your children to stand up for each other.  This is a big one for me. I believe you should be able to turn to your family for support and know they will stand up for you. Teasing is a big thing, especially with girls.  I expect my children to stand up for each other when it comes to friends.  Friends come and go but siblings are friends to the end. 
• Expect your children to understand each other.  This has to be taught.  I help my children understand each other, their personalities, so they can love each other.  This has been particularly helpful with my special needs children.
• Expect affection.  I come from a demonstrative family. I kiss my sisters every time I see them. I kiss my brother-in-laws and sister-in-laws. I kiss my Aunties and Uncles.  I kiss my cousins. I kiss my grandparents. I kiss my nephews and nieces.  I kiss my friends (okay, not all of them, so don’t be scared). I know it doesn’t come naturally to a lot of people but I believe it’s important to be physically affectionate.
• Expect your children will be friends for life.  You will be giving them a most precious gift.

In my experience, there needs to be a lot of verbal communication for this process to work.  And a lot of love. And a foundation of discipline (read my post here). I’m still working on it. I believe it’s worth it.

How do you approach the sibling relationship?

My girls. Making friends for life.